How do you stop an unwanted visitor?

Can you go to the facility? I would go during the same time. Sit in, see why he's there. He could be making sure she eating all her food. These facilities are not one to one. I see some great advice here. I would go there and talk to everyone, the staff, the Aunt and that man and I would do it as calmly as possible. Good luck to you.

It doesn't make any difference at all that you don't like this guy.

What's best for mom?

Do you have POA for your mom? If so you may dictate who can visit and who cannot. You said this man comes to visit - do you even know his name? Ask the staff if she seems to like his visits or not, or what their impressions are of him. If you mom is of sound mind and does not want him to come all she has to do is speak up. If she likes his visits, then I think you have to abide by her wishes. I agree with your aunt - I am sure your mom's care is not adequate. I have spent many hours in my mom's nursing home and trust me no one is getting the care they deserve.

I know I would be suspicious of a strange man visiting my mother. I would talk to my aunt and see who he is and what is going on. Or get one of the nurses to find out. It is their job to feed her anyway. If your mother is capable, ask her and see what she says. Maybe she is afraid of him or doesn't like him, you need to find out.

What you may want to do a meeting with the man, your mom, and your aunt to get to the bottom of this. This is the best way to find out what's really going on. See if your mom wants this man there, and if she does then you should leave the situation alone as long as he's there to help your mom as indicated. If the man is really there to help with feeding your mom, then definitely let him if he really is there to actually help and he's actually doing what he agreed. If he happens to be a friend of your mom, you definitely don't want to separate friends, this is a time when your mom most needs him around. Next thing we want to do is check yourself to see why you don't like this man. This is done by doing some very serious soul-searching on your part, because wrongful judgment against someone you don't even know is exactly what's wrong with this world. After doing some very serious soul-searching, you never know that you might not have discovered that the problem is within you and not that man. It's very easy for anyone to judge someone we don't know and to try to push them away when they may really be our dearest friends in disguise. This is just something to consider before taking any action against that man. One more smart move to make is to ask the nursing home staff if man really is helping to feed your mom. If he is, then he really is doing what he came to do, and he should therefore be left alone as long as he's there with legitimately good intentions. I hope you will consider all of this during this time, because everyone should be given the benefit of the doubt until proven guilty he, and yes I said 'proven' guilty.

I'm sorry, but if your mother is benefitting from this gentleman encouraging her to eat, then it is a good thing! You would do well to try and help your mother for the time she has left instead of being nasty. Santa will not visit you if you continue on this path.

Go have lunch with them, and get back to us.

I would find out the real reason he's there and then decide what to do. Unless someone has a special calling, as a minister to the elderly or community volunteer, I find it odd a man would visit a strange woman in a nursing home, with no ulterior motive. Seniors normally love visits and often aren't the best judge of character for someone who's being nice to them, so I would confirm things for myself. I would be highly suspicious and take it quite seriously. I've seen the shenanigans that unscrupulous people can cause.

I would arrive at meal time. The first time I would approach the table and greet Mom, ask if she's feeling Ok. Next I would look him directly in the eyes and kindly say "I don't think I've met you. My name is xx and I'm her daughter. My Mom's always been a very social and fun (or funny or outgoing -you pick the right positive word or expression) person. No matter what, she's always (drawn in, attracted others, been the center of attention - you pick the right positive word or expression).
Next kindly ask his name. I would leave the aunt out of the conversation entirely - unless HE brings up her name. If he comes across as legitimate and you think he's a positive, tell him - pick the best word to fit the circumstances.
If you accept, tell him it's nice she has company at mealtime.
I would let staff know he seems to be a fine individual, questionable, or someone she doesn't seem to like.
As I've been looking more and more into long-term care options, and based on my observations, staff usually serve the most mobile/verbal patients first. Having this group fairly anchored, staff pick up the trays, go to the less capable patients seated at a table. Next staff carry trays to patients in their rooms and feed this group.
Mealtime is a major undertaking in a short staffed facility. They have a quick turn around time to get medications to patients who need to "take with meals", those who meals must be delivered to rooms, patients fed, tables cleared, and carts and condiments removed from the area.
Throughout this entire process, family, friends, volunteers arrive, announced and unannounced. Extra eyes and ears are essential as the facilities are understaffed. A visitor's presence serves as the squeaky wheel that gets the grease first. Your mom's visitor may also be helping someone else by his mere presence. It's just how things work. A lot of non-verbal communication takes place and it's a powerful tool that helps others in need.
Since your Mom's days are so limited, I would not discourage this man unless Mom communicates she does not like him. By all means, leave your aunt out of the conversation or visit entirely - unless he brings up her name.
If you have the proper documents in place, there is probably little the aunt can do and nothing the man can do regarding any resources. If you seriously believe there will be problems with your aunt after Mom's death I would be lining up the documents in case legal help is required during any settlement or Probate process.
The most important is your Mom's opportunity to have all the comfort and security available in her last days. Let us know what you finally decide.

I've seen this often. The feeling I have is its a lonely, left alone life.
Being fed or foraging around with the rest may be the most attention they get.
Oh I know there's activities and such, but I've found people love to talk about themselves and interest. The bigger my ears and smile are the more they open and flourish. I notice too they like to hold something. I would bring little trinkets, Disney character figures, toys or odd gadgets as a gift. Visit, and when you do take time to visit as many as you can. Ask about the ones that don't have visitors and make up a silly excuse if you have too, "you look like my uncle jack or aunt Jill, what part of the country were you born ? The gift of gab for Christmas.