How do you start to address needing to put someone in a memory care unit? My father is still in denial.

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I have been advised by other people in a support group that he tries his best and wants to keep her home. But he does not handle situations in a way and now my mom has expressed not being happy and cryies a lot. How do you handle having to be a parent to your parent? My father will think he has failed and I don’t want him to feel this way, but I think my mom would feel better and get more socializition being somewhere else. I can see his depression and frustration. How can I get him to feel he has not failed at taking care of her?

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Now that Mom needs more and more care, it is time that Dad got to retire. He can visit her all he wants, but let someone else do the actual caregiving. He is entitled to some leisure at this point is his life. You know he would never, ever abandon her and you are so glad he is so loyal. But he can still be her life partner with someone else doing the hands-on care.

I got a lot of mileage out of "but you are retired now!" for both my husband and my mother.
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How about making an appointment to visit one? The one dad is in is beautiful and well staffed. You could probably even go for a tour and lunch. That might put your dad at ease. (Of course, I would visit myself first -- maybe a few and narrow it down to the one or ones that you'd like for them to see.)
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