My wife of 63 years has been diagnosed with MCI , I’m her full time caregiver. I’m happy with that role but often have to correct or should I say suggest when she forgets normal activities and do this without causing tension.
You "go with the flow" If she forgets something you can gently cue her. You can ignore what she forgot (if it really is not important) Don't argue. You will never win an argument with a person that has dementia. An argument will upset both of you and can make her more agitated.
If there is an Adult Day Program in your area get her involved. It will give you a break, it will give her a break and it will get her engaged in activities. If there is no Day Program get a caregiver to come in at least 2 times a week. That way she gets used to someone else helping, you get a chance to get out and get some things done and this also gives you a break from caregiving.
1) keep them as calm and peaceful as possible (because they are less and less able (and eventually totally unable) to bring themselves to this state on their own). Meds may be needed to help with this.
2) keep them physically protected in their environment and from predatory people.
3) keep them nourished with healthy foods that they will accept without fighting or forcing.
4) keep them in as good a health condition as is possible, that their financial resources will allow and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive).
5) keep them pain-free as possible and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive).
The caregiving arrangement needs to work for both the receiver and the giver. If it is onerous to the caregiver, then the arrangement is NOT working. Alternative types of care must be considered to avoid caregiver burnout.
I learned a lot from watching Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. She's an expert on dementia and caregiving and has excellent educating videos to teach you strategies that will lead to more peaceful and productive interactions with your wife.
Nick, whatever you do, don't argue with her when she doesn't get something right or forgets how to do something, as your wife's brain is now broken and will never get better only worse, and she can't help it. You have to now be the brain for the two of you. And you do it with gentleness, kindness, and love, just how you would want someone to treat you if your brain was broken. And of course there will be times that you have to say "no" if it means keeping your wife safe and out of harms way. You will learn as you take this very difficult journey with your wife what she responds best to and what she does not. And don't forget that as this horrific disease progresses that the woman you married is still in there somewhere, even if you don't get to see her much anymore. Please make sure that you're taking good care of yourself, as you matter too in this equation. You do not want to be in this alarming statistic of 40% of caregivers caring for someone with dementia who will die before the one they're caring for from stress related issues do you? Self care is that important. So make sure you're asking for help, taking some get away breaks and if and when your wife's care gets to be too much for you, that you get her placed in the best facility you can afford. I wish you well as you walk this difficult journey with your wife.
If she forgets something you can gently cue her.
You can ignore what she forgot (if it really is not important)
Don't argue. You will never win an argument with a person that has dementia.
An argument will upset both of you and can make her more agitated.
If there is an Adult Day Program in your area get her involved. It will give you a break, it will give her a break and it will get her engaged in activities.
If there is no Day Program get a caregiver to come in at least 2 times a week. That way she gets used to someone else helping, you get a chance to get out and get some things done and this also gives you a break from caregiving.
1) Agree, do not argue
2) Divert, do not attempt to reason
3) Distract, do not shame
4) Reassure, do not lecture
5) Reminisce, do not ask “Do you remember…?”
6) Repeat, do not say “I told you”
7) Do what they can do, don’t say “you can’t”
8) Ask, do not demand
9) Encourage, do not condescend
10) Reinforce, never force
The overall goals should be to:
1) keep them as calm and peaceful as possible
(because they are less and less able (and eventually totally unable) to bring themselves to this state on their own). Meds may be needed to help with this.
2) keep them physically protected in their environment and from predatory people.
3) keep them nourished with healthy foods that they will accept without fighting or forcing.
4) keep them in as good a health condition as is possible, that their financial resources will allow and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive).
5) keep them pain-free as possible and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive).
The caregiving arrangement needs to work for both the receiver and the giver. If it is onerous to the caregiver, then the arrangement is NOT working. Alternative types of care must be considered to avoid caregiver burnout.
I learned a lot from watching Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. She's an expert on dementia and caregiving and has excellent educating videos to teach you strategies that will lead to more peaceful and productive interactions with your wife.
You have to now be the brain for the two of you. And you do it with gentleness, kindness, and love, just how you would want someone to treat you if your brain was broken.
And of course there will be times that you have to say "no" if it means keeping your wife safe and out of harms way.
You will learn as you take this very difficult journey with your wife what she responds best to and what she does not.
And don't forget that as this horrific disease progresses that the woman you married is still in there somewhere, even if you don't get to see her much anymore.
Please make sure that you're taking good care of yourself, as you matter too in this equation. You do not want to be in this alarming statistic of 40% of caregivers caring for someone with dementia who will die before the one they're caring for from stress related issues do you? Self care is that important.
So make sure you're asking for help, taking some get away breaks and if and when your wife's care gets to be too much for you, that you get her placed in the best facility you can afford.
I wish you well as you walk this difficult journey with your wife.