How do you react to a father-in-law that says he would like to die?

If he doesn't have dementia, which changes everything, you can ask him if he would like you to put up balloons for his self pity party.

If he really wanted to die he would voluntarily stop eating and drinking. He is using this as a manipulation.

If he can not get up by himself, he is no longer safe to live alone. Time to get a needs assessment and determine the best facility to meet his needs.

He doesn't get to run the show. Take the power back and help him find the best option. Is he going to like it? Nope but, he is miserable now, so what would be the difference? You wouldn't be burned to a nub with it all, that would be the difference.

My dad often felt this way. I think it’s common that as age related health issues and losses of both loved ones and abilities add up, these feelings come. What helped was his doctor giving him a small dose of Zoloft. It lifted much of the sadness. It’s also important to encourage more, not less, contact with others, whether that be with friends and family, or perhaps in a different living situation that has other seniors around to interact with. Isolation is bad for us all at some point

Hire a Live In Caregiver if he wants to stay at Home . There Is meals on Wheels That delivers 5 times a week . He says " he wants to die because he doesnt want to be a Burden " Make some choices for him and discuss his Options : Live in Caregiver , assisted Living or assisted suicide ( I would Not encourage the third one ) Tell him " he Has options " When people are depressed they need help and can not see the light at the end of the tunnel .

Your FIL needs to be in an Assisted Living if he can afford it or Longterm care with Medicaid helping with the cost.

He may be much happier in an AL or LTC. He will be kept clean and comfortable. 3 meals a day. The ability to go to a common room and see other people. Join in activities. He seems to be alone most of the time. When ur there its really not a visit. In a facility most of his needs are taken care of. You can go and just visit.

When he says he wants to die, tell him that’s not going to happen on your watch. I told my dad this, and it seemed to reassure him. I think he just wanted to know that I didn’t want him dead. But you and your husband can’t keep doing this. You need more help. Your dad is now like a helpless child, and he needs direction. You and your husband are the ones to provide that by telling him that you need help and that you’re going to get it. Then you hire help. Also, it’s time to consider a care facility. If he’s around other people and getting the help he needs, he might not be so depressed. Right now he is, and you’re all falling toward a painful landing. Be the leader here. He’s no
longer in charge of what, who, where and when.

Tell him its not about being bothered, it is about him getting the level of care he needs. That you and his son and he deserve to have a relationship that is more than just 100% caregiver to parent. That it would be nice if ya'll could enjoy time as family instead of only having time for the medical / chores / etc. That this isn't about him being a bother, but about desiring more quality for all of you in this relationship so maybe instead you can spend some time enjoying a dinner or watching a movie or playing games together instead of it all being laundry or cleaning and the rest. That if you guys had help he would be able to SEE that it is still possible to have a relationship with his children and family that doesn't involve him needing help. That more hands would lighten the load on everyone, *including* him.

i'm not saying this is the best solution (it all depends on the personality of your FIL)....

but let me tell you what actor john cleese said to his elderly mother.

...his mother often said she wanted to die.
her son managed to make her laugh...till age 101.

at some point, in her 90s, john cleese got tired of his mother always saying she wanted to die. so he offered to kill her to cheer her up.
:)

he said to her, he has a friend, and if she still felt the same way a week from now, he could, only if she would like, give him a call, and he could come down and kill her.

the mother was a bit surprised. and then burst out laughing.