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I care for my in-laws, 92 & 93. In the last 5 months my mother-n-law's health has deteriorated terribly fast. She is confined to a wheel chair and is very frail, I recently heard my father-n-law making fun of her. When she has trouble breathing, due to heart failure, she makes noises. The other day he was making the noise at her, and today, I caught him saying "blah, blah, blah, blah" in a high pitched voice. She is laying there in bed as he sits in her wheel chair staring at her. I knew he can be a real jerk, but I had no idea he was being so disrespectful to her. Needless to say, I got very upset with him. His defense was, "she just kept going on and on." I told him he should have just walked away if it was bothering him... NOT to make fun of her. Today I purchased wifi cameras to watch what goes on. I want to make sure he doesn't hurt her. She keeps getting sores on her shins and I think they may be from his cane. A few months ago I got her a pendant to wear. All she has to do is push the button and it calls me. She's been really good about wearing it around her neck. I've told her to call me if her husband mistreats her or she needs help.

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I’ve got all cameras working and I have to say, my father-n-law does a lot for my mil. It is great checking in on them to make sure they are okay. Our business is on the same property, so if we see issues, we can help right away.
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I would say they r both ready for ALs or longterm nursing and not in the same room.
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Thanks for the feedback. I hope the abusive language is the worst thing you discover.
About the sores on MIL's legs. Recently I was told to watch for this with my aunt because of PAD (peripheral artery disease). Perhaps that is why your MIL is in a wheelchair now? I'm sure there could be many reasons why they are there.
Regardless, you might want to let her doctor know about them.
Also, your FIL might benefit from a medication review with his primary or a geriatric psychiatrist. Your husband might want to spend some time with dad discussing moms failing health and how you all have to pull together. Doubtful he will remember when he gets upset but everyone needs someone to talk to and no doubt FIL is worried about losing his wife.
Is it possible to put them in separate bedrooms? Perhaps approach it as a sick room for MIL so she can be nursed easier without disturbing FIL. Think about whatever would work for them.
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I'd be careful of labeling this abuse unless you are sure. Have you seen him assault her? If not, I'd not assume it. There could be another explanation, like falls. Seniors can fall and get bruises or lean against things for support.

Also, the comment about bla, bla, bla, to me was just him expressing himself. I don't get how that is abusive. Unless, there's more, I'd consider that they are an average senior couple who may get on each other's nerves at times.  My parents argue more now than when they were younger. 

I would get a consult with an attorney about the legality of putting up surveillance equipment for others, no matter whose home it was in, if it involves other people, since there are federal and state laws on this kind of thing.

I would certainly take steps to protect my MIL, if it's called for. I would just confirm that first. What does your husband say about this?
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Are these folks still on their own in their own home? In home help?
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Thank you all for taking the time to respond to my question and current issues I'm dealing with. I got the cameras and was able to set 2 of them up. I haven't gotten the most important camera (bedroom) set up yet, but hope to today. This camera will have a memory card to record so we can watch it and see if there is a problem.

This man has never shown any signs of physical abuse, but he has no filter on his mouth, never has! He can come off as this sweet loving Greek man, but can get downright ugly if he gets confused. He has always been an opinionated SOB and always wants to get his way. As he has gotten older, its just gotten worse. My mother-n-law has put up with his BS for a long time. However, sometimes she instigates it.

My husband asked me the same thing y'all did. What are we going to do if we see him physically abusing her? At this point, I haven't a clue.

They both depend on eachother so much. He has been hard of hearing for at least 10 years but refused to get hearing aids. She just recently lost a lot of her hearing. Both have dementia and can be easily confused. The other day, she thought she was in a hotel. I had to explain to her that she was at home.

Thank you all for reaching out to me. Your concerns and opinions are welcomed.
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I'm wondering if he has some cognitive decline and is unable to control his impulses. This happens a lot with dementia. Has he always been like this, or is it something new? Your MIL needs to be protected from him - I doubt she'll help you in that effort because of her history with him and her declining health. What does your husband say about this?
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Sounds like there could have been a long history of the husband badgering his wife. Has she pushed the necklace button to alert you that her husband is mistreating her? If not, she probably is scared of him or apathetic about his treatment of her.

Are you home with them all day? Do you have another room the husband can use?
Do either one of them have dementia? How could she possibly get bruises on her shins?

If your cameras show that he is physically abusing her (or more verbal abuse that you're not aware of), I'd get him out of there. Your poor MIL is defenseless. Good for you or thinking about the cameras. Your MIL is depending on you for her safety and bless you for stepping up to the plate.
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This is horrible. What will you do if you see he is hurting her? I hate to think of her having to go through more pain before something is done to stop him. Is he her caretaker when you aren't there? If she has long been abused she is probably afraid to call you. She has had a lot of time to think about her choices. She probably doesn't think she has any. Then too there is the shame and humiliation of others knowing her situation that so many who are abused feel. This isnt a simple problem. If he has to leave the house she probably will not want him to. Is there another sibling who could take him or her in? Let us know what action you take. I would put up with zero verbal abuse from him in my presence.
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Does he have to spend time with her, do they share the bedroom? I've told the story before of a couple who entered the nursing home together and shared a room, they were a good support for each other but the wife eventually became bedfast and almost completely mentally absent. One day the husband was found hitting and choking her trying to provoke a response, needless to say they had to be permanently separated.
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