I think most people don't want to go to nursing homes.........and can you blame them. But the problem is that usually when it's time the person being transitioned into nursing care has dementia or some kind of mental liability not to mention all the physical ones so expecting them to make a logical decision re: their care is usually a waste of time.
My Mom "I am perfectly able to take care of myself" When, if her brain had not been already compromised due to dementia would have probably admitted she needed outside help. But, admitting that is akin to admitting defeat and who wants to do that especially when the thought of a nursing home is aberrant to most people.
Instead of trying to convince your Mom of anything try to explain all the benefits of it to her. Other than that, I don't think there is much you can say to a person that would persuade them to want to go. Think of what someone would have to say to you to make you want to go to a nursing home. Probably not much right..........but if you can think of something, say it and hope for the best. Good Luck to you!
Here we have Clern93's background from a post a little while back...
"clern93 4 months ago I am going through a VERY difficult time with my soon to be 92 mother. I am exhausted. I have a part time caregiver come in 30 hrs a week. Then when I get home from work. Its my 2nd full time job. My eldest brother was her caregiver and passed away 8 months ago. He was not taking care of himself and died at 59. Now I have taken the responsibility with no help from my other brother. I am glad to see I am not alone in this situation. But, my mother has some money. Not a lot.. but she will not pay me a cent. She would rather give it to my unemployed recovering alcoholic brother. What am I missing here? Even when we all lived at home as young adults. My dad died when I was 21 and we all had to pitch in. Being the only girl, my mother's expectations were quite high. I worked 40 hrs a week, went to night school and had to tend to the household chores and grocery shopping. I gave my mother $$ every week. My brothers gave her money when they felt like it. SO now she is living in my living room. She is acting like Driving Miss Daisy... but worse. She thinks she is acting absolutely fine. My support system is my fabulous husband and daughter. But. this is the hardest and saddest time of my life. I love my mother.. but nothing prepares you for this. I still need help. In the process of getting IHSS provider. Thanks for listening."
So, clern93, you've sourced a provider? And now the sticking point is your mother lying down in your living room and holding her breath and refusing to go?
The thing is. Your mother can refuse to move into a nursing home. But she cannot refuse to move out of your and your husband's house if you and he insist that she does. I'm not pretending it's easy, just hoping to help you see where the line to be drawn is.
So if she won't move into the NH, you have to put to her, where does she plan to go? 'Cause she ain't staying in your house any more.
Ha! Put her and her things into a cab and send them round to favourite son's house, perhaps..?
I think you've already realised this, but what you really, seriously need to take on board is your older brother's fate. Harden your nose and link arms with your husband on this, because otherwise you're headed the same way.
My Mom "I am perfectly able to take care of myself" When, if her brain had not been already compromised due to dementia would have probably admitted she needed outside help. But, admitting that is akin to admitting defeat and who wants to do that especially when the thought of a nursing home is aberrant to most people.
Instead of trying to convince your Mom of anything try to explain all the benefits of it to her. Other than that, I don't think there is much you can say to a person that would persuade them to want to go. Think of what someone would have to say to you to make you want to go to a nursing home. Probably not much right..........but if you can think of something, say it and hope for the best. Good Luck to you!
If it's you, you tell her you can't do it any longer.
"clern93
4 months ago
I am going through a VERY difficult time with my soon to be 92 mother. I am exhausted. I have a part time caregiver come in 30 hrs a week. Then when I get home from work. Its my 2nd full time job. My eldest brother was her caregiver and passed away 8 months ago. He was not taking care of himself and died at 59. Now I have taken the responsibility with no help from my other brother. I am glad to see I am not alone in this situation. But, my mother has some money. Not a lot.. but she will not pay me a cent. She would rather give it to my unemployed recovering alcoholic brother. What am I missing here? Even when we all lived at home as young adults. My dad died when I was 21 and we all had to pitch in. Being the only girl, my mother's expectations were quite high. I worked 40 hrs a week, went to night school and had to tend to the household chores and grocery shopping. I gave my mother $$ every week. My brothers gave her money when they felt like it. SO now she is living in my living room. She is acting like Driving Miss Daisy... but worse. She thinks she is acting absolutely fine. My support system is my fabulous husband and daughter. But. this is the hardest and saddest time of my life. I love my mother.. but nothing prepares you for this. I still need help. In the process of getting IHSS provider. Thanks for listening."
So, clern93, you've sourced a provider? And now the sticking point is your mother lying down in your living room and holding her breath and refusing to go?
The thing is. Your mother can refuse to move into a nursing home. But she cannot refuse to move out of your and your husband's house if you and he insist that she does. I'm not pretending it's easy, just hoping to help you see where the line to be drawn is.
So if she won't move into the NH, you have to put to her, where does she plan to go? 'Cause she ain't staying in your house any more.
Ha! Put her and her things into a cab and send them round to favourite son's house, perhaps..?
I think you've already realised this, but what you really, seriously need to take on board is your older brother's fate. Harden your nose and link arms with your husband on this, because otherwise you're headed the same way.