How do you plan anything in your life as a caregiver?

If you are living together in the same home, you hire caregivers to come into the home for specific set hours on certain days each week. That's when you schedule YOUR appointments. Otherwise, you're literally a slave to your grandmother and her every need for every moment of her life which means you have no life of your own. That's not a long term plan but a sure fire plan for burn out and big time resentment. Don't figure out how to deal and cope with a hijacked life......figure out how to change the situation so you have less stress TO cope with.

I think 24/7 caregiving is a highjack...in & of itself. I do not know how to better explain it. I wish I had known of this forum 6 years ago. There is no life for me beyond this now. However, I have committed to avoiding negative thoughts during Lent. Only a few days into it, I realize how deep I have fallen into hopelessness. This is my first post. Thanks for being here & know you are not alone. Breathe!

Being a caregiver only works if it's done on the caregiver's terms. Not on the care recipient's.
Caregiving can completely hijack a person's life. You have a chance of having some kind of life if you don't live in the same home as the person you're caregiver to because there's the option of hiring outside help. When you're in the same house it's next to impossible for them to not own you and every moment of your life even if you do have homecare services coming in to help out. What pretty much all the time ends up happening when you live in the same house as the LO you're caring for and they're elderly is they expect to be waited on hand and foot even if they still possess some level of independence. They will expect themselves to be the only matter of importance and priority in your life, and forget everything and everyone else.
The only way to limit some of this is to walk away from it and abide by whatever schedule you have made. Do not drop everything and jump to attention for their every need and want. Make them do for themselves in whatever ways they are still able. Make them learn how to wait and completely ignore them when fussiness and complaining start up. This is way easier if you're not living in the same house. My best recommendation would be if you're going to be a caregiver to an elderly person, don't live together. Otherwise the caregiving situation will own your life and there's not much you can do for it.

Depends on the level of care demanded from you. As time goes on in the case of Alzheimer's the more helpless your loved one becomes, the more demanding and stressful the care will be for you, so you have to adjust the routine accordingly. ROUTINE is the key. Do the same things everyday the same time and place.

I remember I had mum on a bowel movement schedule, bath schedule. And I kept mom moving by walking her in the park everyday for 5 years. Despite mom's advanced Alzheimer's she was only bedridden for 2-1/2 months but it was a terrible struggle keeping her moving. Keeping mom walking made her care easier for me...when she became bedridden wow was that hard. Her bowels were extremely stressful. Thank God for lactulose. With mom's chronic kidney disease that's all I could use since poor renal function means I could not use any laxative based on magnesium or phosphate--poor kidney function meant she could become toxic with magnesium or phosphate based laxatives. So I used lactulose and it worked great.

My mom eventually depended on me 100% for nutrition, hydration and even bowel management. She became a full time job for years and years, and when mom died I was left devastated. Had to find work, and get my life in order. I managed but it was very traumatic.

For as long as you are the primary care giver, everything else has to work around your caregiving tasks. If there are specific appointments you need to keep without your LO, you may need to pay someone to cover that time. When you are the person "on duty," don't get involved in anything you cannot interrupt at a moment's notice.

When this conflict is dominating your life, it is time to hire help. You may sometimes find volunteer help, but I keep repeating the need to pay someone, b/c caregiving is not s free benefit in our society. People are sometimes surprised and angry that no one will come to their home and take care of their LO's for free, but they won't.

In the military we have a saying, "Nothing survives first contact." Translation is that your plans will go awry and it is better to have back up plans. So, plan for delays and the need for back-up care givers - because life does happen. After that, try to roll with the punches. Most days you'll be surprised when things go as planned if you are patient and drop your expectations.

That said, make it a rule that you WILL make sure to care for yourself. Get 7-9 hours of sleep every day. Eat 3 healthy meals are a reasonable pace. Take care of your health. Take "time off" daily and weekly to have fun, connect with friends, and do what nourishes your soul. If you have to use some of the "cared for" person's resources to ensure your health, do so.

I cared for my mom with dementia for 8 yrs in my home. Every other day I told
her she was going to the spa, meaning I would get her in the shower help her clean her private parts, and wash her hair. When she got out she would sit at my bathroom mirror and I would rub lotion on her legs, arms and shoulders.
she wore wigs so I would only have to blow dry her hair. She HATED bathing until I called it spa day. It’s a little extra work but she always smelled good and no hygiene issues. Also, ask friends to help, I’m sure you have some who have offered. Let them in, it’s a lesson for all, they see what you are going through and they want to help. It also helps them
prepare for the day they may become a caregiver. And last but not least, look to God every day! This was my only life saver and it turned my life as a caregiver from gloom to a blessing. Prayers your journey will be better!

Can you get aides to cover for you when you need to do things on a schedule? Get in touch with your local agencies or social workers so that you know what is available in your area. Medicare/Medicaid may cover some of this.

I am with lealinnie1's suggestions. The challenge for my situation is that mom won't want anyone to care or help her other than her children. Mom always say she feels bad that we have to take care of her 24/7 but at the same time I don't see her accept any solutions to help eliviate be some of these.. as simple as wearing a diaper at night so that we all can help a proper sleep at night. Instead she would get mad at us and said she doesn't need help and will go to washroom on her own... Which ended up no one can sleep with piece of mind not worrying that she will fall without any help.
Late 2019 I sold my condo and moved into my parents house temporarily while looking to buy a new place. Then unexpectedly dad passed away followed by Covid outbreaks. My stay at home is much longer than I have planned for and now I feel stuck.
Since dad's passing, mom who suffered from CKD is getting weaker as she aged - she is 85. My brother is a very filial son and very controlling and protective person. In my opinion, he over cared for my mom. He will follow my mom around 24/7, afraid she will fall (which mom also refuses to use a walker or cane to support her) or being alone. By doing so, mom started to depend and rely on us more and more, even for things she is capable of doing. My brother expects us to do the same extend for mom. My sister will stay up all night to help mom in and out of bed to use the washroom and on average mom gets up every 2-3 hours throughout the night. And I am responsible for helping her change in the morning and at night, shower and soak her feet nightly. I am also taking care of vacuuming and mopping and doing laundry. Tension among my brother, sister and I are getting worse these days as my brother is stressing out and will let out his frustration at my sister and me.
I am the only one working and to be honest, I don't think I can commit to what my siblings are doing for mom. I love my mom is no less than my siblings but I believe in balance. We are in our early 50s and we need a life too before things passes by us.
I have a boyfriend but due to Covid situation, my mom and siblings are giving me the pressure that spending time with him, I may run the risk of contacting the virus and passing to mom. We have not spent time since last September. While he understands my family situation, I am not sure how long will our relationship be able to sustain. I am frustrated and torn inside. Don't know what to do.
A few years ago, I have suggested that we get a caregiver to come visit and take care of dad or a helper to take care of house work but all these are shut down by mom.
Once Covid is behind us, we need a solution. I really cannot commit to staying at home and taking care of mom 24/7 like my brother and sister do. This is not how I want to remember spending time with mom.

You pretty much summed it up with 'hijacked your life'. It is constant interruption to the point your own mind finds it hard to figure out what you were doing, start a new task, interruption, start a new task all day long. I had excellent multi tasking skills when working. This is not multi tasking like anything I ever did while working. Part of the problem, as she says it, is that she tells me something when she thinks about it because she's afraid she'll forget. So I get it.

As for appointments, on the day before my mom will start mentioning if it is cold or raining or doesn't feel good, etc she may not be able to go. I say nothing or just agree. Why discuss it? Unless I can see she is really not feeling good, we're going.

There is no such thing as a daily schedule - except for meds and meals. All I can say is learn to accept the many tasks that are started and left unfinished and stacked all around you. . . they aren't going anywhere, and highly unlikely the good fairy (or the family) is coming to do them when you aren't looking!