My mom has lived with me and my husband for quite some time (15 years). I've been very close to my mom my entire life. I'm the only daughter (middle child) with 2 brothers who really don't take much of an active role in her care. In their defense, for just a moment, I don't have any children and both of them do and in my older brother's case, grandchildren with whom they are very close and involved. Also, we live in Tampa and 1 of my brothers lives in Orlando (about 2 hours away) so that adds to the challenging situation.
My mom has struggled with depression/anxiety for decades but when she was younger and more active, i.e. working, she had more to do than to focus so much time during the day on her negative thinking. Now that she's home and mostly alone all day during the week and not feeling well, she's really getting worse. We've tried too many antidepressants to name over the years and NONE have helped her. I'm not a fan of those medications for an 82 year old anyway. She's had falls including a hip fracture as a result of a psychiatrist doubling her meds on the first visit. Generally I have found that physicians are quite dismissive of seniors. Personally, I think that my mom likes the attention of clinicians and thinks that if she's "fine" nobody would care about her. It's very sad because that's not true at all.
I feel very blessed to still have my mom with me but I'd like to enjoy her and it's hard to do that now that she's stopped wanting to do anything or as she describes it, "she's not feeling up to it". My mom has lived a life of loss and I can see how she was hurt as a result but holy moly. As a result of all this, my husband's relationship with my mom has really been damaged. He's resentful because he can rarely have my attention when we're home. I'm constantly in the middle and quite honestly I never know where to "stick myself" when my husband is in one room and my mom is in another. It STINKS and I hate it.
I know she's lonely and feels isolated since she doesn't really see anyone during the week during the day except for the 2 folks I have coming in. My work hours are a bit grueling and I'm no spring chicken (just turned 60), although I'm quite "youthful" in appearance (I'm told) and spirit. Most of the time I feel like I'm just banging my head against the wall.
We recently found a mental health therapist who has suggested that we create a schedule so there are guidelines as to when it's "family time", "couple time" and even a little bit of time for just me, which I rarely, if ever, get. We recently implemented that so its too soon to tell how helpful it will be.
I'm convinced that there is isn't anything anybody can recommend that I haven't thought of to help (senior center, YMCA Silver Sneakers program, in home care - which isn't cheap, the list goes on). Currently I have a personal trainer (so she can get a little exercise on a somewhat consistent basis) and a masseuse each coming in once a week.
If anybody has any other thoughts, insights, recommendations, etc. I'd love to hear about it.
Sorry for the lengthy post but as you can probably hear in my words, this weighs very heavily on my mind.