She has suffered a stroke due to a blood clot in the frontal lob of her brain taking her short term and a lot of long term as well. Basically she is living in the moment. She thinks what happened yesterday is what happened days ago or months ago. She hasn't driven a car since 2015 and a few days ago she grabbed her purse and started for the door. When I asked her where she was going she replied, to church. When I told her the car hadn't been driven in years she replied, well then you take me?
Some things bother her and others run off of her like water on a ducks back.
mini-course in brain damage in adults, and how adults behave after sustaining brain damage.
You are obviously a kind and loving husband. Taking care of yourself is an important part of being a good caregiver for her. Knowing more about why she’s doing what she does may help you adjust to her unusual behaviors. Many adults post stroke are afraid of showering. You have a good list f alternatives.
Best of luck choosing a solution that will work best for you and your wife.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKT9YIVPREE
Many dementia patients are afraid of water, or of slipping/falling in the shower, or of other factors you may be unaware of. My mother was afraid of falling, so I bought her a pair of water shoes on Amazon which did the trick for quite a while; the caregivers in her Memory Care were able to shower her without incident for about 18 months before she took another couple of falls even with help.
You may want to get her a hand held shower nozzle so she can feel in control of the water flow; that's a helpful tool for many.
See if you can figure out why she doesn't want to shower, or if there's some fear there in addition to forgetting that she hasn't showered in a while. If it's simple forgetting, the calendar is a good idea. I'd say that a shower once a week is plenty at this point...........with dry skin and all the rest of the factors playing a part, why force the issue more often? Pick your battles, and with dementia mostly everything is a battle.
Check out other Teepa Snow videos for more useful tips on how to properly care for a dementia sufferer at home. She's wonderful.
Good luck!
A few years ago a former poster named Maggie Marshall made very good suggestions on challenging cleanliness and bathing issues. Turn the task into a pleasant ritual. Play her favorite songs on CDs (or whatever mechanism you use), or listen to music on tv if your line-up includes those. Have a relaxing visit, then gradually begin using the no rinse products while she's comfortably ensconced in a favorite chair, removing only the necessary clothing at the time.
Follow with a treat, whether it's more music, a favorite tv program, or perhaps bring her a vase of flowers and give it to her only after the cleanup. Then she'll associate pleasant memories with cleaning up.
Make it a bonding experience, not a cleaning experience.
And of course if caring for her in your home is getting to be too much for you, you can always start looking for the appropriate facility to place her in. Wishing you the best.
Don't expect her to take one herself and come out clean. A lot of dementia patients really, really hate getting wet, so you'll likely need to hire an aide to ensure it's done properly. It's amazing how a person can get under the shower head and come out smelling as bad as they did going in.
They can bathe her, prepare light meals and snacks and do light housekeeping.
Best wishes to you and your wife.