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leaving her at the nursing home

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Wife assessed level 4 secure have picked a nice AL but not sure how to discuss her moving there especially when her name comes up that a room is available
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All depends on the individual and their mental health. It is an emotional time but try your best not to let any guilt feelings you have get you upset. Know that you are doing the right thing and she WILL adjust eventually.
Hugs and kisses always work well to make both feel comfortable.
I have found it useful to talk up the "amenities" as if it were a luxury hotel. Stick around for awhile and go over the activities they have if posted. Explain her new surroundings as they will be different than what she is accustomed to. Ask her for input as to where she wants things located in her room. Buck-up and rise to the occasion, put forth your best acting skills & hide whatever pain you may be experiencing. In hopes of a smooth transition for you both.
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Know that she's literally in a safer place. Let her see you 'happy' in her new 'home' and hold some 'happy' times with her there. Try to do some 'fun' things with her there... have a tea party with only you and her (?), play cards, show pictures, tell stories... She'll know you care just by you visiting her. Send her lots of cards so she'll get mail... while she knows you're at work, etc.
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The first day I had to leave my Grandmother, it was horrible. What I was told was I cannot help her if I go down myself. For months she would ask when she could go home and I would tell her maybe soon. Never tell them a certain day or they will hold it against you if you don't. When Christmas came I wanted to bring her home for the gathering. I was told it would be better not to do this because she would then get confused and agitated. One advice I would give is never go to the nursing home at the same time. This gives you the knowledge of knowing your loved one is being taken care of because the caregivers never know when you will show up. I would go at 6:00 am one day, noon another, 8:00 pm another, even did an 11:00 pm one time. Eventually she stopped asking and was so excited to see me. I brought her a baby doll and a stuffed puppy. She would rock the baby doll and show it off to everyone. At night she would hold the stuffed puppy. Now I have beautiful memories every time I look and hold her baby doll and stuffed puppy. Be strong. Praying for you and your family.
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