How do you know when they are ready for assisted living?

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My boyfriend and I have been caring for his Dad (he is 82) for a 1 1/2 years now, and we are burned out. Between his screaming, keeping us up late (We get up between 4:30 am-6:00am) We do not get enough rest. Just lately his memory has gotten worse. Where he will argue about the day, thinks he has an appointment (it was the day before,or plain out cancels it.) We are so tired all the time. I can not convince him that his boys can not drop everything, just because he wants to eat out. I do not drive,which makes matters worse. Even if I did, he will constantly tell anyone driving ,what they are doing wrong.😤Plus will argue about his pills, yell at me because he pees too much, or he had a loose bm (He is on kefir,which he hates.)

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Thank you for that additional information. His medical provider, the VA, thinks he is a candidate for AL. He has been diagnosed with early dementia. (Dementia only moves in one direction, you know -- it gets worse.)

Why are you hesitating? Can the VA help you with placement?
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My boyfriend's Dad was put on kefir by his,doctor for IBS.I am this man's caregiver (I am a former CNA).The two of us moved with boyfriends Dad to care for him.We have our own home.It just getting to the point we,do not know how much further we can do this.Talked with the social service from the VA.They think he is,a candidate for assisted living.This 81 year old man I care for has been diagnosed as being in the second stage of dementia.
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Certainly testing for a UTI and for dementia would be wise.

When people are ready for AL depends on them, and /or their caregivers. It sounds like you are ready as you are burnt out. That is a good reason to consider it. Fil may do better there with 24/7 trained staff who can deal with him day and night. You and your bf will definitely do better with fil in AL. Does he have funds for it? Or are you looking at medicaid and a facility that will take it.
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Well. First of all. Stop the kefir since he hates it.
You can find alternatives.

You must have enough rest or even the cat will make you mad.

Whose house are you living in? Could you move?

Does he have the ability to private pay for assisted living?

People live in ALF at all sorts of ages and stages but usually not just because they are crabby.

Are you and your BF working outside the home or do you stay with him 24/7?

Tell us more about your situation and perhaps we can give you better suggestions.
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A little more background will help us give more specific suggestions.

How old are you and BF? Why are you living with Dad? Your profile says Dad has mobility problems. What specific kind of help do you provide? Is Dad alone while you work? Is that safe?

Why would anyone have to drop everything because Dad wants to eat out? Can't anybody say "no ... but we'll plan on it on Thursday"?

I agree with ff, uti can cause dementia-like symptoms. So, obviously, can dementia! When was the last time Dad had a medical exam?
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Abf1202, have you had your boyfriend's Dad tested for an Urinary Tract Infection? Such an infection can cause an elder to be screaming, arguing, totally out of sorts. Plus you mentioned he urinates quite a bit.
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Have you tried Home care?
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