I moved my parents into my home 5 years ago. My dad died last year and my mom continues to live with me. At 91 her health is declining. She was recently hospitalized with a bad upper respiratory virus and bronchitis and lost some ground. About 2 weeks later I was contemplating nursing home care for her because she had lost the little bit of independence that she had. Since then ( mid October) she has gotten somewhat stronger or at least is back to her pre-hospital self. She struggles with mobility and walks with a walker. She is incontinent off and on. She is forgetful. She needs help with dressing, and bathing. I pretty much do everything for her. I have an aide for 15 hours a week which allows me to visit and care for my grandchildren. At 66, I have a part time job which I can do from my home. I am an only child and without any family support. I am married but my husband is not helpful. At this point I am exhausted physically and mentally. I long to be free of responsibility. I want to be able to live my life without having to plan everything I do and make arrangements for my mom if I go out.
The issue is that she will be devastated and I don't feel like I have good enough reason to move her to a SNF at this point. She is very sweet and grateful and very dependent and attached to me. I would like to be able to care for her until she dies as I was able to do that for my dad. But I am running out of steam.
How have you made this decision? My guilt about moving her seems to trump my need to be free. I feel like I am waiting for a sign that will show me the way.
I would not dump the idea of a facility on your mom all at once. Have a few conversations about the possibility. Her doctor may even be able to help you get the idea of placement across to her.
The good enough reason is that it is time for you to start living your life, she has lived hers, now it is your turn.
Sending support your way.