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I love my mother very much and care for her daily. I do have caregivers that come in the afternoon so that I can go home and try to relax. She also has graveyard caregivers. But when someone doesn't make it to their shift I end up working it, no matter the shift. She can become delusional, verbally abusive, and verbally aggressive towards me and can single out a caregiver to the point that I have to replace that caregiver. I am at her home everyday and am exhausted. I get calls from my mother when I am home trying to relax about her delusions about a caregiver. It just never ends. I have 2 brothers but they don't help out.

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I know this is much, much easier to say than to do, but I wonder if it would help to detach a bit. For example, do not take calls from your mother. If you are really needed surely the caregiver will call you. You see Mom every day, so it isn't as if the phone is her only link to you.

What kind of doctor is following her dementia? Has she seen them lately? Sometimes the aggressiveness can be relieved via medication. Worth trying if you haven't already.
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I'd discuss with her doctor or have her seen by a geriatric psychiatrist. I'd explore if medications would benefit her. To me, the mental anguish they experience is painful for them and it should be treated no less than physical pain. It's good that you recognize when you need help. I'd also explore getting backup help to step in, so you aren't always on call. Can you arrange that with an agency?
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