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Having one of those days where I want to cry. Talked with my dad and his help hasn't come out for 6 days because her back is hurt. He won't hire an agency bc they tell him what to do. Long story on all, but it still makes me sad. I was at a work event and he doesn't want to make me worry. It breaks my heart. I've ran ads at the university but he ran people off. He got my account on care.com cancelled bc of comments he made to interview candidates. He won't consider assisted living. Would rather die. I live 90 miles away. I make meals up for the freezer. I go at least once a month. I try to help, but I feel so frustrated he won't change or let some control away. It just breaks my heart and makes my stress level go up.

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It sounds like you are trying so very hard to get help going for her dad - but he sabotages and makes things very difficult.  If and when it gets to the stage where he has serious mental decline and is making very poor decisions - that's the time to get an assessment of his cognitive abilities to make decisions. At that point you may be able to get some decisions made without him undoing them. Until such time, if you can, accept that this is the life he is chosing for himself with cognitive capacity to do so.  You can always tell his doctor what he is doing.  Sometimes direction from the doctor is enough.  My experience is that fathers hardly ever listen to their family!!
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Smilebeth, as long as an elder is uncooperative and competent, there is little you can do. I used to find the soups I froze for my mom at the bottom of the freezer, uneaten. I know, it makes you fell like your love and caring is being ignored.

Try to let it go. Visit and have a good time with him instead of cleaning. Let him see that he needs outside help.

Call his local Area Agency on Aging and ask their advice.
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I'm sorry, Smilebeth, this is a hard situation! Bumping this up as hopefully other folks have some ideas about boundaries. Stubborness is rough...
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