When I first started to notice her forgetting things over a year ago, I would just try to jog her memory. Didn't take long to find out that was not appreciated. That has advanced to remembering things incorrectly and asking the same thing repeatedly. I've learned to just roll with it unless it's something important. I don't call attention to it. She is aware because she mentions it occasionally. But also tries to downplay it and laugh it off. When she mentions it I say " You might want to talk to your doctor about that". I've been working on getting her to a doctor. After hearing less than impressive things she had been telling me about her primary doctor over the years I decided I wanted to try to get her to a new one that was also closer to where both of us live. She agreed. Finally found an office. Her first appointment was supposed to be last month. Despite reminders the day before, when I checked on her she was on her way to the store. It's rescheduled for tomorrow. I've spoken to them in advance about the issues she is having. She doesn't know that. I'm pretty certain she would resist going if she did. I told her yesterday that since I am going to be off for an appointment too, I would come by and take her to her appointment and then we can go to lunch. I have never taken her to an appointment before so she seemed a little suspicious about it. She said "They're going to think I must be a real basket case needing my daughter to come with me." I'm not sure how this is going to go. I don't think she will want me to go in the exam room with her. So I won't know what kind of answers she gives the doctor. She apparently hasn't listed me as someone who can have access to her medical info yet. So I'll probably have to try to convince her to do that while we're there. I'm her only child and she's divorced so, there's no one else. I'm afraid she is going to fight getting help all the way because she fears finding out what might be happening to her. I would be scared too. I'm really worried about her. Right now she is still able to take care of herself. But I keep thinking what if she leaves the house one day and forgets where she lives. She told me I was born in 1994 the other day which is about 20 years off. Any thoughts or tips about this are greatly appreciated!
As someone said above, keep notes about what you notice with mom. Some of this is what is called "executive functioning" problems, ie, prioritizing figuring out what is important to do.
Let us know how this plays out. I know it's frustrating.
They have initiated a trusting relationship. She'll go back in 6 months and they will dig a little deeper. This is a marathon, not a sprint, sadly
The nurse that called me back said that they would see mom again in 6 months and do a more extensive memory evaluation at that time. So meanwhile mom thinks everything is hunky dory. Trying to get her to see anyone else will be about impossible. I'm so frustrated 😠
Sounds like your Mom needs something like this but mostly in case she gets lost (Apple Air Tag, just put it in her glove box).
In terms of her memory test, I'd ask what type of test exactly did they perform on her? My Mom was told 3 words that she was going to be asked to recall 10 minutes later (she got 1). Then she had to draw the clock face with a specific time (couldn't really complete it, got the number placement wrong).
"She saw a nurse practitioner who did several memory tests with her that she apparently passed with flying colors!" ... is this what your Mom reported to you? Or did the NP actually say this to you? If you got this info from your Mom I would doubt it highly.
Until or unless mom puts you down on the HIPAA form the office can take information from you but can not give you any info. So stopping by first might not do much good unless it is to drop off a note that you have written indicating some of the problems you have noticed.
Mom has always been very independent and hates to ask for help with anything. One of the most important things to her is being able to drive wherever she wants to go. So I know that needing my help is not something she would be happy about. And she will probably fight it. I'm sure I will be back with many more questions! Thanks again!!
Yes to JoAnn's strategy of discretely handing the staff a pre-written note (that's what I did with my MIL). They are happy to accommodate you. Also request a test for a UTI.
I'm an only child to a single mother (94 yrs old). I remind her the day of her appointment, in just enough in advance so that if she forgot, there is still plenty of time for her to get dressed and ready.
At the end of the appointment, stand with her at the reception desk and ask for the Medical Representative form. Stand there while confirming with the receptionist that unless your Mom assigns you as her MR, the doctor will NOT be able to discuss any of her medical info with you, even if you get into an accident or something where she cannot communicate. Then fill the form out for her and have her sign it, hand it in right then and there.
You will have to eventually have a gentle conversation with your Mom about being willing to help her, but she needs to be willing to allow you to help. This means going with her to appointments so that you can keep on top of her care, driving her places, etc. Your Mom needs to keep being reminded that it's not a flaw if she needs help: many elders need help. All eventually need help. It's the same for everyone in the world.
FYI stubbornness is an ever increasing feature of dementia. Please remember not to "react" to it, instead you will need strategies to work around it. Also remember that your Mom can't help how she is becoming. Don't take it personally.
Please watch Teepa Snow videos recommended by ElizabethY. I've watched them -- they're very helpful.
Sounds like you're doing a good job at shepherding her. The link below is to a great read which helped me understand some of my mom's early behaviors. There are other things that the doctor will need to rule out before concluding that her issues are due to cognitive impairment.
https://www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/210580/2/understanding-the-dementia-experience/Medium,Arial,Black,White,One-and-a-Half
I liked these videos too...
Teepa-10 early: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqmqC-702Yg
5 losses: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awBm4S9NwJ0
Anosognosia https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nw3YUDQJuY
Stage 4: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coiZbpyvTNg
Stage 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TIkTO4d8YyI
Moderate stage: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cZTgG6kDjs
Careblazers-How To Convince Someone With Dementia They Need Help: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncKhXQtnyfI
Talking to a person w/ dementia. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilickabmjww
Sometimes it's better to NOT discuss the concerns with your loved one, since they are unaware of them...
If you are planning on being POA for an uncooperative senior you are biting off years of utter misery. Often in early diagnosis, the refusal to recognize and accept dementia is profound. The more rage involved, often the more certain that the diagnosis is dire, as generally someone with normal aging issues is will to do testing to see what level they are at. I have two friends, hubby and wife, now being followed by memory institute WILLINGLY to assess where they are at. Long family history. They are in a program.
Again, I caution you to know both are you capable of being POA and do you want to take this on. I suggest an honest talk with your Mom, her doc and yourself. This needs to be met head on and with honesty.
Notices she has memory loss
Forgot appointment even though I reminded her the day before
I did mine in 14 font and only one sided page. Ask reception to give it to him before he sees her. This helps him/her in asking Mom the correct questions. If its found Mom is showing signs of Dementia, next step is a Neurologist. IMO, a PCP knows a little bit about ecerything and alot about nothing. Mom is going to need to know what type of Dementia she has. He helps with giving the correct medication.