My husband has terrible sundowning and can be up all night in confusion not knowing where he is and wanting to "go home". He also falls quite often and paramedics have to be called out to help him. I am 72 and no family around to help and getting no sleep. I had to make this agonizing decision to put him in a memory care facility. I just think he would be safer there and I'm afraid my health is going to decline and I wouldn't be able to care for him anyway. I feel depressed all the time.
1. Is he safe at home? If no then he is better in a facility that can manage his care.
2. Is he safe with me taking care of him? If no then he is better in a facility.
3.. Am I safe taking care of him at home? If no then again better in a facility.
4. Have you done the best that you can trying to keep him at home? If yes and you have exhausted yourself and resources then he is better where he can be monitored and cared for 24/7.
Placing someone in a facility is never an easy decision and probably one of the most heart wrenching decisions that you have to make. So when you get to that point it is probably long overdue.
You are making this decision for him.
And PLEASE do not let anyone give you any flack about it it is your decision NO ONE knows what you have gone through to keep him at home as long as you have.
He made friends there instead of being isolated with me in our home. This was a big deal because I could no longer take him out socially due to his behavior, and he missed being around people. In his MC, everyone has a behavior that's not socially acceptable - and it doesn't matter at all. The aides provide a family-like atmosphere, and he enjoys it. The entertainment there is usually volunteer musicians or dance groups, always enjoyed by the residents. Every time a resident has a birthday, there's a cake and lots of people to sing the birthday song. The residents' families are encouraged to bring their dogs to visit. On holidays, there's a celebration; the aides' children participate.
I hope you find the best place for your husband. I certainly did for mine.
If the stress and demands of keeping him at home were degrading your own health, who would be taking care of YOU? You need to take care of you. You chose the best solution. Stop doubting this.
Be a wife and a visitor now, not a burned out and exhausted caregiver at 72.
Good luck to you.
My mom's quality of life has improved during the last 6 months she's been in MC. Prior to that she was home with 24/7caregivers. Some of the caregivers were great with mom, but others just sat around on their phone. Mom was losing her words and not able to talk about much of anything.
In her MC, the staff is specifically trained how to deal with dementia. They really seem to enjoy the residents, and Mom loves them. She participates in most of the activities and has even made friends with some of the residents.
Mom was always a people person who likes being busy, and being in MC is giving her that. When I visit, she is more talkative. She repeats herself a lot, of course, but her mood is brighter because she's getting more stimulation in a failure-free environment. I've told my family if I get dementia, to put me in MC sooner rather than later.
Focus on getting the rest you need and whatever else will help you feel better. Contact friends who you haven't seen because you were home with your husband. Realize that this an enormous adjustment so it will take a while, but you will come to peace. Really, you will, even though it may feel bleak right now.
I knew memory care was 24/7 of excellent care. At some point, being caregiver spouse, you cannot stay alert. Falling asleep, which is once you need, presents a danger to loved one. I spend all of my spouses waking hours
with hysband. Good quality time because mind not wandering to how to get laundry done, pay bills, etc.
If you can spare a call to caregive
agency or talk to his doctor, ask stats on caregiver burnout. when you just practically collapse from exhaustion OR your own medical emergency. I was told caregivers often pass before their partner. That was a sobering thought for me. Thought I could do it own my own. Then i realized someone else could it well and all supples readily available. Look at it this way, it gives you so much time to just be together and giving him lots love.
And that is a vreat gift. Prayers