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Hi. A few days ago I received a video of someone I do not really know, but it was for me. When I see it I was shocked, I mean, what the hell ??? The video shows a son who feels annoyance because his father is getting old and can no longer stand on his own. The son is shown trying to get rid of his father in many ways by ignoring him, complaining about his constant annoyances and finally taking him to a nursing home despite the pleas and tears of his father. Then the video shows how now that son gets old and has a son who does exactly what he did to his father. And the video finish saying how I look, you'll see or sort of. I do not remember getting so angry. She is a woman, whom I do not know, who does not know me or my mother, who does not know what I have done for my mother, does not know my reality and send me something like that. But why? That woman is a sister of a friend of my mother and my mother has been complaining about me. I know that she loves the "poor me" attitude and being the center of attention, I know that sometimes I'm not as understanding as I could be because I'm still adapting to her memory loss problem but really ... she does not say that she spends all day complaining, that she loves to supervise what I do, that she is always criticizing me and if I complain about something there are problems, I can not say anything ... she tells me that she can not say anything to me, she does not know why I reacted like that, that I must live life calmly and the worst thing is that for some reason I end up feeling guilty and inadequate and I can not tell her what I feel because she would use it against me and telling to others with a poor of me attitude... this is not the first time I have had an unpleasant moment because of their complaints, there are people who told me things about how I should treat my mother, expecting things that I must to do for her, even with a reproachful look. How do you do to handle these situations?

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I would find out if this "minister's" Church is part of a district and if so I would send a letter to her district supervisor. I would explain that you do everything you can for Mom. That Mom has Dementia. That she belittles you all the time but you continue to do for her. That you do not appreciate a minister not of your Church goes out of their way to "preach" to you when her information comes from a third party.

You may want to tell Moms friend that Mom has Dementia so she shouldn't believe everything Mom says. That you are there helping as much as possible. I agree that talking to a therapist may help.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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See a therapist and stop talking to other, unqualified and untrained people about your situation. Do not disrespect your mother or unburden yourself to them. Be the better person and keep your own counsel.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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Can you block the woman who sent you the video? That sounds extremely frustrating.
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Reply to PandaMom
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dariana Apr 20, 2019
Yes, I did it. It impresses me to know that woman is a minister and I can not believe that she thought that gives her the right to be so unpleasant.
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I know it’s frustrating and not easy but I think to keep from feeding the gossip I wouldn’t say anything.
Your mom has dementia. These people may as well. If I were pressed to speak to them out in public and they gave me unwanted advice,
I might say “Thank you for your concern” and go about my business.
If you need to vent come here. There are many who have this pribkem.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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dariana Apr 20, 2019
Thank you. I feel like I'm a pressure cooker and nobody can understand what I feel. When I have talked about this with other people, they end up supporting my mother.
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