How do you handle family visits when it is 14 people?

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How do you handle family visits when it is 14 people?

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I think I woukd leave when they showed up.

Is there any way that could work?

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Great idea for some but in my case absolutely not Barb,

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Have you tried getting rowdy yourself? I can't tell you what to do but in that position (children climbing on a bedridden man with medical wiring all over) I would pitch a hissy complete with profanity that they would have to look up in the dictionary. Then maybe I would call the cops on the parents for cruelty to the elderly.

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It has taken every fiber of my being not to and no I haven't done that yet..I know that would be devastating to my husband.

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I will assume here these aren't your children but his. This would explain the not listening to you. Can DH still express his wishes?

I agree these are rude people. I would go nuts if 10 kids were running around my house. I bet you just sit there on pins and needles stressing out the whole time. And I realize that what you say could be turned around but I don't think asking that they call before they come is too much to ask. You are not the hired help.
You are not their servant either. I would not feed them. What I might do is leave. Get out of the house. Explain what they may need to do for Dad and to please make sure the kids are careful of the leads.

Maybe you can play school. Sit all the children down and explain that Grandpa is sick. That when they climb all over him they are hurting him. Explain the pacemaker how it helps him and that crawling all over him may dislocate the wires and then he doesn't have the help anymore. Tell them its OK to give him a hug and a kiss but they need to be gentle. Also ask them if they would like you coming to their house and breaking their toys. Hopefully they say they wouldn't. Then you say by running all over you house, they have or could break you toys and like them you wouldn't be happy.

These parents are so wrong in not teaching their children respect for other peoples things.

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"I agree these are rude people."
Check.
"I would go nuts if 10 kids were running around my house."
Check.
"I bet you just sit there on pins and needles stressing out the whole time."
Check.
"...I don't think asking that they call before they come is too much to ask."
Check.
"You are not the hired help."
BIG GIANT CHECK CHECK CHECK CHECK!

"You are not their servant either."
Even BIGGER GIANTER CHECK!!!!

"I would not feed them."
Check. Nor would I entertain them in any way, shape or form. I would sit with hubby and make sure the vermin are not crawling on him. If they ask for food or drink, my response would be this isn't a restaurant. BYOF and BYOD. Then help yourself to your own. It is MORE than enough that you provide all his care. They aren't helping and their "visits" only hinder, so it's the least you can do for them, make them bring their own and serve themselves. You just sit with hubby. Worst case then is cleaning up after the slobs when they leave. Do not lift one finger to "serve" them.

"These parents are so wrong in not teaching their children respect for other peoples things."
Another BIG CHECK. Bad enough encountering these kids running amok in stores, with no parent in sight, but to have them in your house?

The one thing I wouldn't do is leave. Bad enough what they're doing right in front of you. He needs to be protected from these clowns. Get yourself and hubby drinks and snacks and SIT. Be the king and queen of the household and let the jesters entertain you (while you ward off the lesser beings.)

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I have a few cousins that just ‘drop by’ and they weren’t ‘in the neighborhood.’

Years ago, I suppose that people were less formal.

It always makes things more difficult. They stay a long time. I end up cooking a big meal or picking up food.

It’s rude. I can’t imagine just ‘dropping in’ on anyone.

I had a key to my parents home and I never just walked in. I always rang the bell. My mom would say, “Just let yourself in, honey.”

I never felt comfortable barging in without ringing the bell, even though they were expecting my visit.

Your uninvited company should respect your home and certainly their grandfather’s health concerns.

It’s a shame that this burden is placed on you. The parents should tell them, if they don’t say anything then you have a right to do so.

In your situation, don’t do anything extra. They will have to understand that you weren’t expecting visitors, so you are not the one being rude, they are.

Their visit is an inconvenience when if planned differently and the children behaved better, it would be a welcome pleasure.

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Wow jd, I can't even imagine having anyone in my family being that clueless and callous. The fact your grandkids are left to run wild makes things difficult, and unfortunately it's not their fault if nobody ever taught them boundaries.

I think maybe the outdoor get together is the best option, either at home or in a park, that way they can run off some steam and he can retreat if necessary.

And while I'm sure you would never try to discipline your grandkids that doesn't mean you can't give your own kids a (figurative) slap upside the head 😠

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From the sounds of it, these are husband's family members, not OPs kids? Makes it a little harder to give them the slap upside the head... However, I'd be horrified to see these kids crawling all over him and DEMAND it stop.

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When I was a small child we visited at my grandparent's home often and on Sundays there was often a full house, my grandfather sat with us on the couch while we visited or retreated to his bed when he wasn't up for visits, the grandkids were paraded in to say hello but nothing more was expected form them. Remember there is no shame in ordering take out or asking your family to bring their own snacks and activities for the children so that the visit doesn't add to your workload.
When my mom was in the nursing home I arranged an outdoor picnic for her birthday, we tucked mom off to the side so she could be a part of things and whisked her away for a nap when she had enough.

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ty cw. the kids are very rowdy, 3-4 at a time crawling all over him, on his head, his back, and legs...and he is very weak, cannot tolerate this physical interaction. He has a brain pacemaker with wires leads etc so safety is a concern also. The parent's don't seem interested in controlling the kids or teaching them boundaries for their grandpa or for our personal belongings.

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Can you not all plan on meeting at a restaurant instead of your house, where you will all be catered to by the wait staff, and you won't have the pressure to entertain?(and you just pay for you and your husband, the rest of the gang is on their own) That way you can leave when your husband or you have had enough. You could also meet at a local park for a picnic, and leave when you need to. There are ways around having them all at your house, if you don't want them there, but I think you should be grateful that his family actually wants to see him and spend time with him. Not all families are so fortunate.
And as far as them just showing up without calling, now that is just plain rude. I would make it perfectly clear to them that while you and your husband enjoy seeing them and spending time with them, they MUST from now on give you the courtesy of calling first, so you can plan on meeting them elsewhere. PERIOD!!!

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Thank you for the positive suggestions. However, nobody has the right to tell me how I should feel and what I should be grateful for. Caregivers are entitled to be themselves. and this caregiver would be grateful for 1 offer to help, not add to the stress. :)

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Amazing, and I imagine all of the 14 are no help to you? I think you need to send out a letter to all with very clear boundaries. You may need to schedule a visiting day. They can't make it that day then it can be another day the following week, but it is once a week. And I also suggest you form shopping lists for them to bring things when they come. It's part of growing up, to know how to act. Start your casserole list now, and stop worrying too much about whether or not they "like you".

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thank you. No, never 1 offer for help. I believe I will offer 1 picnic this summer at a local park with what I will bring and if they want other things bring those as well.

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How do you handle family visits when it is 14 people?

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