How do you handle family visits when it is 14 people?

I would just agree to meet them in a public spot. Perhaps for lunch or dinner now the weather is getting warmer (picnic - kids can run around) or restaurant when you feel comfortable doing so. You can keep it short that way. It is EXTREMELY rude to come without calling first. And extremely insensitive of them to expect you to provide for them. They should be providing for you.

The only way I could get my siblings to understand the level of care my father required was to ask them to take a shift for a limited amount of time. They had to experience it first hand before they believed me. When they realized it was exhausting, that justified my hiring help. Nothing like walking a mile in someone else's shoes.

I would not provide anything for them. If unannounced they could order pizza or something. I would tell them since they are all there with him, that you have some errands to take care of and leave for a few hours. It would let them see what caregiving is like and give you some respite at the same time.

Had a problem with family showing up unannounced and sitting for HOURS trying to reminisce with my mom who is in end level dementia. Finally, I stopped all communication with them and they quickly understood the cold shoulder I was giving them. The worst part is they NEVER visited and reminisced with her during the many years she was healthy. Now that she’s dying, they want to spend time getting to know her more. Seriously?!

The family has already proven they have no intention of respecting you or your rules. I would give up on trying to ask them to suddenly respect you. Is it your house too? Then I would think you should simply lock all the doors and not let them in. Call them later and say it was a bad time. Or if you do let them visit, give them an itemized statement charging them with cleaning the house and replacing all the food they ate. Write it out and sign it. Make it official. Charge for your extra time.. Save any bills.. Then follow through and have an attorney step in if necessary. If they don't pay, tell them to hire someone to help take care of him.. he is their father and should be contributing to his care You have been a pushover for so long you no longer are taken seriously. You do not have to be polite. You could go to a Dr and tell him how stressful his family is. Then the adult care could step in saying that your health is being compromised by them. You need your husband to be on your side. It sounds like he is not helping the problem. Tell him how upsetting they are, disrespectful, and it is making you sick. You can't take care for him and his family if you are sick. He needs to stick up for you. If he doesn't then perhaps he needs to be told exactly what your day is like and if he needs your help, he needs to help you too. OMG! Just read all the responses. You have to stick to your guns and follow through with any punishment for breaking the rules of respect. Tell them 'if you do 'this' 'this' will happen'. Then do it! They actually break stuff in the house and steal things? Next time, get your watch set to video and turn it on and point it at them and the kids. Video all the kids running Round the house, the adults sitting and doing nothing. Then show it to your husband and if necessary, the police. Let the police charge them with destroying property, stealing food etc. Put your foot down big time. It is only going to get worse. Video them!

I assume these are children from another marriage, as you call them "his family." Since you have tried to control their dropping in, the only thing I can think of is trying to actually invite them for a specific time, rather than them just dropping by. They might have the feeling that you will never invite them over, so they must drop by if they want to see their father and grandfather. Or perhaps you have put them off if they ever call and ask to stop by. Also, I'm not sure what you mean by catering to them, but you shouldn't feel the need to give food or drink to people who drop in. If you do the inviting, perhaps you would have more control over their visits.

jd6122: Imho, it is IMPERATIVE that you inform "his family" that he cannot tolerate kids climbing all over his person as he is an ill individual. Not to mention the fact that you're a solo caregiver and you cannot have this type of disruption in your already difficult life. The rudeness of his family is NOT welcome in your home.

I said to my father's doctor, "Dr. Fostvedt, tell me that Daddy can have only 5 people visit him at a time and they can only stay 10 minutes." So, Dr. said, "Your father can have only 5 people visit him at a time and they can only stay 10 minutes." Then I posted a notice on the front door and put it on the answering machine. Then, it wasn't me saying it, it was the Doctor. If more showed up, I would say, "The Doctor xxxxxx". Adjust the amount of people, and the time as is convenient for you. Then, you can say, I am sorry Cousin Susie, There are too many of you, why don't you divide your group in half and take turns. If they are from out of town, refer them to a close hotel with a restaurant. After all, you are only following the doctor's orders. Do, not let them railroad you to make an exception. Stand firm on the doctor's orders.

Another thought, if it is just catering to them that is getting to you, stop doing it. Tell them you are so happy they came and you need them to cook and clean up for themselves. Don't feed them. You know how it is with stray animals, if you feed them they will stay. Have menus from all the local restaurants handy.

Next time they show up en masse, crack the door and tell them you've both been exposed to Covid and are quarantining. Give a good hacking cough. I am certain they don't want to be stuck at home with all the brats if they got sick