How do you handle an elderly parent that lives with you and thinks it's ok to just casually walk into your bedroom without knocking?

User70, I’m truly sorry for the nightmare you’re living in, please realize the only one who has the ability to change this warped dynamic is you. The situation isn’t healthy for you or your mother. Her living with you, making constant unreasonable demands isn’t good for her. If ever there was a case for separate living arrangements you two are it. This isn’t your fault, your mother has issues beyond your ability to fix or help, and you’ve gotten trapped for too long trying to just cope. The power is with you to change it. Start with a lock and standing up for yourself, when the berserk behavior happens, record it, call 911 and have your mother transported to the hospital. From there tell the staff calmly but firmly that you cannot provide care for her any longer. She needs a full medical and psychological evaluation, and not by the clueless current doctor. This isn’t you kicking mom out or not caring, quite the opposite, it’s caring for the well being of you both. Don’t waste your own life and health living in fear and resentment. I hope you’ll act to change both of your lives going forward

User, your mother deserves better care from her doctor.

The next time she goes berserk, (yes, lock your door) record her on your phone. Call 911. Have her admitted for psychiatric treatment.

Do not accept her back into the home.

Some of us were raised in homes where boundaries were exclusively for adults. Closed doors were personal attacks and rejections. It's not as simple as installing a lock or putting up a sign. Because locks and signs only apply to others - never to them. Sure, this sounds crazy, if you weren't raised that way. But take a moment to think about the things you do and beliefs you hold because you were raised that way. Do you vote the same as your parents simply because they did, without analyzing the platforms of each party? Are you the same religion as your parents, or did you attend other places of worship, study their doctrines and dogmas, compare and choose what was right for you? It's tough to have your beliefs challenged. And when you do realize what's ridiculous, it can be difficult to stand up for yourself without endless self-questioning, etc.

If your mother has dementia (mine does) it'll only magnify her behaviour.

Document the situation, with a behaviour diary, photos and videos. My mother's doctor was sure she was fine as well. We had a crisis, police and EMS came, I explained all that had been going on, an assessment ensued and she is now placed in a good, small home and we are getting our lives back. I won't lie to you that my stress ended that day. I was afraid and jumpy for months. I'd wake in the night, sure I heard her calling my name, pounding on doors. But I'm much better now.

I have mentioned before that my mother has forgotten who I am. I visit her as a friendly stranger. I suspect you can appreciate why I find that such a relief. Good luck to you!

When my mother lived with us, she did this.

Signs didn’t help.

MY getting angry didn’t help.

Insisting didn’t help.

Talking to her didn’t help.

She had dementia. It took me quite awhile to figure out that that was the case.

It took me quite awhile to figure out all the challenges that come with this awful, awful condition.

Perhaps you could consider getting some testing done to see if this is the case with your mom, as well.

PS: I only lasted 6 weeks, before the stress of my mother living here had me bedridden. It’s not too late to consider other arrangements for your mom.

Since your mother is so unreasonable, and such a difficult case, consider moving her out of your house completely. And, if this is her house you're living in, YOU move out. She can hire caregivers if need be, or move into Assisted Living or any number of other options.

Living in fear of your mother should have ended when you were a young child or at least when you stopped living by her rules. That it didn't is a strong statement about what needs to happen moving forward. You are an adult now and get to call the shots, not mother.

Best of luck carving out your own future, which you deserve to do.

OMG! Really??? You can't lock your door because she will get upset and you're "afraid" of her? So you live in fear in your own house? I'm having a hard time understanding this and even believing it.
It sounds like it's your house that she lives in and according to your profile your mother only suffers from depression, so why in the world would you allow her to live with you? She should be out on her own and you should be able to live in your own house in peace. Do you not see that?
So put your big girl/boy panties on and tell mom it's time she finds her own place, and make sure you give her a time frame for her to be out. And I would make it sooner than later.

User, if this is her home, move out.

If this is your home, evict her.

If your elderly mother goes berserk when you close the door to your bedroom, I think we are looking at a seriously mentally ill individual.

Has she been seen by a psychiatrist?

How is it that you come to live together?

Thank you for this advice. I need to hear this. She is clueless of boundaries and moral respect for others. She's been this way all her life. Completely irrational..if i close my door she takes it as an insult..that I'm a bad person or I'm shutting her out and being rude to her. Her famous absurd line is "you're not laying with a man..why do you have to shut your door?" Its maddening the way this woman is. I've really grown to detest her. Pray for me.

How old is Mom and why did you need to move her into your house?

You are entitled to your privacy whether its your house or hers. Your house you have more control. What I would do is tell Mom "If u don't give me my privacy when I want it, you can't live here." And stick to it. Me, I would put a lock on my door. So she screams and hollers you are an adult that is giving her a place to live for whatever reason. You are doing her a favor. As her child its not something you must do. If she is on Social Security or has money of her own, find her another place to live. Depression does not mean she can't care for herself. If she is low income, there is HUD apts that charge rent on scale. Usually 30% of her monthly income.