What2do1, have the person checked for an Urinary Tract Infection. An UTI in an older adults can cause the person to become verbally and physically abusive, along with other behaviors.
The person's primary doctor can run a UTI, even such a test is available at urgent care. If the test is positive, antibiotics can help clear the infection.
All good suggestions but don’t forget that aside from Alz& dementia, your 97 yr old might have physical issues affecting her mood and behavior. Make sure your loved one has had a recent physical that includes being checked for a UTI. See if she qualifies for home health. She may qualify for hospice. This gives you a layer of help and gives her someone with fresh eyes to keep an eye on her. Recently my uncle suffered a fall, bit his tongue and swallowed blood. When the hospice nurse saw him throwing up what looked like coffee grounds she suggested he go to the ER. My cousin, long time, weary caregiver who puts up with her fathers abuse on the daily probably wouldn’t have thought it necessary as it happened only the one time. But they didn’t know about the swallowing of the blood and the nurse just happened to be there when he threw up. Turned out no GI issues when he went in the hospital and the coffee grounds were sorted out. However he tested positive for covid and had pneumonia along with some other updates on his chronic kidney issues. He is now in rehab and is saying thank you instead of his usual. I love GM54 response of laughter. I used a big ole smack on the lips with DH aunt one time. She was in bed and so animated with what she was saying, she forgot for just a minute that she couldn’t sit up on her own. she leaned in to tell me what she was and wasn’t going to do. Her sweet aide was standing by the bed and looking apprehensive at how this conversation was going. I leaned in and kissed aunt and she burst out laughing. then the aide laughed. Big drama moment was over. With dementia it sometimes doesn’t take much to distract.
You try to let it go. You wear earbuds, headphones or ear plugs. (as long as it is safe to do so) You leave the room. You try to redirect the person by distraction, offering a snack, asking if they want to go for a walk or any number of things that may distract them. And as odd as it sounds start LAUGHING. there were times when I would try to redirect my Husband and my redirections failed. One day it suddenly hit me how silly the situation was and I started to laugh and he stopped and looked at me and started to laugh himself and that made me laugh even more...I was soon able to get him to go sit down..what I was trying to do all along!
And it’ll never end. The abuse will continue, and probably get worse with time. Your mind will be affected: maybe even traumatized without realizing it. Your body will be affected: maybe over-eating, gaining weight, psycho-somatic problems…
There aren’t many things you can do: -tell your LO’s doctor about the abuse? -tell your doctor? -tell friends? -hire others to replace you as a caregiver? But your LO probably doesn’t have the money, or you would have done so already. -decide to totally cut contact? -reduce contact?
The abuse will never end, whether it’s caused by dementia, another illness - or even no illness at all, it’s simply their personality.
I wish you well. We’re so many kind people, taking care of abusive LOs.
The above is by a Michell Soulie. Very similar in context.
The person's primary doctor can run a UTI, even such a test is available at urgent care. If the test is positive, antibiotics can help clear the infection.
Make sure your loved one has had a recent physical that includes being checked for a UTI. See if she qualifies for home health. She may qualify for hospice. This gives you a layer of help and gives her someone with fresh eyes to keep an eye on her.
Recently my uncle suffered a fall, bit his tongue and swallowed blood. When the hospice nurse saw him throwing up what looked like coffee grounds she suggested he go to the ER. My cousin, long time, weary caregiver who puts up with her fathers abuse on the daily probably wouldn’t have thought it necessary as it happened only the one time. But they didn’t know about the swallowing of the blood and the nurse just happened to be there when he threw up. Turned out no GI issues when he went in the hospital and the coffee grounds were sorted out.
However he tested positive for covid and had pneumonia along with some other updates on his chronic kidney issues. He is now in rehab and is saying thank you instead of his usual.
I love GM54 response of laughter. I used a big ole smack on the lips with DH aunt one time. She was in bed and so animated with what she was saying, she forgot for just a minute that she couldn’t sit up on her own. she leaned in to tell me what she was and wasn’t going to do. Her sweet aide was standing by the bed and looking apprehensive at how this conversation was going. I leaned in and kissed aunt and she burst out laughing. then the aide laughed. Big drama moment was over.
With dementia it sometimes doesn’t take much to distract.
You wear earbuds, headphones or ear plugs. (as long as it is safe to do so)
You leave the room.
You try to redirect the person by distraction, offering a snack, asking if they want to go for a walk or any number of things that may distract them.
And as odd as it sounds start LAUGHING. there were times when I would try to redirect my Husband and my redirections failed. One day it suddenly hit me how silly the situation was and I started to laugh and he stopped and looked at me and started to laugh himself and that made me laugh even more...I was soon able to get him to go sit down..what I was trying to do all along!
It’s very hard, for the receiver of the abuse.
And it’ll never end. The abuse will continue, and probably get worse with time. Your mind will be affected: maybe even traumatized without realizing it. Your body will be affected: maybe over-eating, gaining weight, psycho-somatic problems…
There aren’t many things you can do:
-tell your LO’s doctor about the abuse?
-tell your doctor?
-tell friends?
-hire others to replace you as a caregiver? But your LO probably doesn’t have the money, or you would have done so already.
-decide to totally cut contact?
-reduce contact?
The abuse will never end, whether it’s caused by dementia, another illness - or even no illness at all, it’s simply their personality.
I wish you well. We’re so many kind people, taking care of abusive LOs.