My mother passed away on Tuesday, November 2, 2010. Though I am coping well, I sometimes feel a sense insanity coming from deep inside. As if if boils over I will go completely insane. I feel like nothing I have ever felt before.
My mom and I got along in a way. We were so different. I feel so guilty that perhaps she was sicker than she led on and I was still so upset with her.
Not until she really got sick and couldn't do anything. And even then, I was so upset. But my momma was as stubborn as a mule and never truly accepted help from anyone until the very end.
It was hard to care for her and about her illness because she never let us get close enough emotionally because of her need to be so independent.
I already miss her though. I would rather a million nights more than to have her gone.
Do you just not think about it? Do you cry until feel like dying? How do you handle such agony? How do ask for forginess from some who is gone and with whom you had so much contradiction?
How do you let go of your mother?