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Dad had lived with us for all most a year. He is 86 I don't think he could live on his own but could live with assistance. He thinks he can still drive even though he was just in an accident. Everyone is ok but he is now putting pressure on us to get car fixed because he feels stuck here. 3 doctors have told him
He shouldn't drive but have not attend away his licence. My family no longer feels comfortable in their own home. We all just cringe when he comes our of his room. How do we have the conversation with him he has to move. I feel bad but one person should not hold 4 others hostage. Please any help..

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Thank you all for your imput. We will not be fixing the car. He still thinks he is ok to drive. He is as most on a fixed income so I will be looking for places in his price range before showing him. I think he overheard my husband and I talking because today he has been the most pleasant he has been in months. Even helping bring his dishes to the sink. So well shall see
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Assisted Living. Tell him you are going out for lunch. Make sure that is the free lunch that is included with an AL tour. Most places will have a Valentine's Day Party. Take him to one. Keep up the tours. We told mom we wanted her to pick the place she would go to "someday". When they offered her a one month half off trial, she packed up and went like it was a month long cruise.
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As for moving him out, have a plan in place before you have the talk. Remember it is your house and it will probably be easier than you think :)
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86 years old..just had an accident...no way should he still be driving. Absolutely irresponsible of you to let him have the keys to a car. Whoever said 85 years old is pretty young is probably that age or near it.
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Dupont, your Dad would have MORE freedom if he lived in independent or assistant living.... it would be like living in a college dorm.... he could hang out with his newly found friends, buddies.... get a weekly poker game going.... flirt with the pretty women.... most places have mini-bus transportation, so he could go daily just for the heck of it and let someone else do all the driving :) If he sees that you are delighted with the place, maybe he will also take an interest. Make everything *positive*.

Check with his finances to see if he could afford such place, shop around to see what is available in your area. In fact, go to the right side of your screen to the blue box that says "Find Housing and Care", type in your zip code, click on Independent Living or Assistant Living, then click on "See My Results".
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It sounds as though he would be a good candidate for assisted living. He would have his own apartment, but many options for additional care. They could even do his laundry and housework, or he could do it himself. Meals could be taken in the dining room, or they usually have a kitchenette so they could prepare something for themselves.

They would also have transportation for him. How bad was the accident? Was his age or physical (dis)abilities the issue? Maybe he still can drive, but in a limited manner. Daytime only, or short distances only. We've all heard about the little old lady who only drove to church on Sunday, so her old car had low mileage.

It is such a blow to one's independence to be told by their children that they shouldn't drive anymore. I truly dread that day, myself, but I know it will come. Hopefully, they will be kind.

If you feel like you are being held hostage in your home, then your family is not cut out for this, and it would probably be best if he found another place to live. As far as how to have the conversation - he's your father - just tell him that you think y'all should take tours of apartments in assisted living facilities. He will probably accept it a lot better than you think; I'm sure he feels the animosity and no one likes to feel like they're not welcome.

Your profile doesn't say why he is living with you. 85 (in my opinion) is still pretty young unless there is illness or infirmity.
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