How do you get the person to pay you the full amount of the VA grant they receive for their care?

You can’t “make” him pay you more. You can quit doing so much for him, or you could move. You can’t just force anyone to pay you a certain amount, unless there’s a written contract. Does he pay the rent/mortgage, taxes, or utilities? Do you provide any hands on physical care for him such as dressing/bathing/toileting?

Is he living in your home, or you in his?

How did you come to an agreement on the wage you would receive?

It sounds as though this is not a good job for you; do you and your DH have the wherewithal to move out?

We came to an agreement on $1800 when I started.I used to bathe him,but he now has a bath aide.I clean,change his brief 4 × a day,set up his pills for the week 1×a day,pay for his television ,we pay him $400 a month.I shop for his personal needs and wash his laundry.I also fix his mistakes when he orders something through the mail,dislikes it,and wants to return it,Set up all his appointments so they do not land at the same time. We do a leg treatment set up for him through the VA physical therapy to help with his leg circulation nightly,And drive him where he wants to go.We pay for the gas and insurance.

What expenses does your FIL have? He should still have some ‘pocket money’ for limited purchases, even if you don’t approve of his mail order activities. Work out how much you are spending on him (TV, gas, car insurance, food – anything else?). Is the $400 a month that you pay to him enough to cover your share of the housing costs (rates, insurance etc), or is there a cross subsidy from him to you in there too?

At the end of all this, you get left with a figure out of the $1200 that is what he is paying to you for care. Check out the hours of care you are providing, and how much an hour you are being paid. Then show it to him with the local rates for care. Ask him what he wants to cut down on so that you are paid a reasonable local rate. You are never going to agree while it is all so complicated and vague. Do the sums.

His son is your DH? What is his role in the money? If he is out of the house for 10 hours a day, he doesn’t see what you actually do. He should be part of tackling his father.