How do you get someone who adamantly refuses to go to a doctor medical tests & care?

Call 911. Describe all symptoms of stroke you can come up with. The EMS will likely take your Mom if YOU and her husband ask that they do, even if she protests.

This gets you to the hospital where she can be assessed. Do not let them discharge her home without assessment. Ask that a Social Worker be called at ONCE.

IF you are still at home and EMS won't take her call APS. This is your perfect opportunity to get her to the hospital for assessment.

You call EMS and later when the hospital wants to release her, you tell them she can't come home because you and dad can no longer care for her.

People who have strokes have a higher chance of having another stroke. So you could let her stay home now, and if she dies of a stroke, she dies. This isn't advisable. In fact, it's heartless.

Mom's ruling the roost, but she's no longer competent enough to be in charge. Dad's not much better. Stop the hand-wringing and be the adult! Once you call 911, that sets the process in motion.

Good luck to you.

Sadly, many people -- elderly and younger adults -- are oblivious to their own health status/condition (denial, mental illness, other????) and refuse medical care of any sort. This is so very hard for family members experiencing this and doing their darnest to get the LO to the doctor. Hugs.

As others have said, call 911 when there is any emergency related issue (a fall, severe disorientation, potential stroke, out of wack blood pressure, very low oxygen (under 90). Just call and insist they take the person to the ER, go there and fill in the ER team about what you are seeing and say your LO needs to be evaluated as an impatient as it might be "cardiac," a stroke, a UTI but that the MUST do the necessary imaging and other tests to see what is going on and a 24 hour stay inpatient is key, NOT JUST being in the ER. This is key for Medicare coverage of what happens next, "post acute care" discharge to a Rehab facility.

Work with the social workers at the hospital to say it is "NOT SAFE" for your LO to return home, she needs some temporary care (Rehab is temporary) to get back on her feet. And also make it clear that you, your family cannot take over on her care at this time, you need time to prepare and work out a safe return to home but that will take you WEEKS to do. Medicare will pay for the discharge to a REBAB facility post a 24 hour stay if you work with the MD to assure LO post hospital acute care (could be IV fluids, antibiotics, OP and PT, oxygen) insist that they discharge your LO to a REHAB facility.

There get with the best geriatric board certified MD (most facilities will have them) and tell them our concerns about cognitive decline/impairment (have clear examples of not just not remembering things but problems with processing such as not able to make a recipe they used for years, not able to balance a check book, getting scammed by "you won" calls and clear examples of behavioral issues that you see: getting days and nights mixed up, not able to manage their own Rx medications, refusal to eat/bathe, etc.) Ask for a full cognitive work up for potential dementia there. Once your LO has stabalized from any medical issues (low oxygen, IV antibiotics, anemia, UTI, etc) they can do the cognitive work up.

Hopefully you have the appropriate papers all in order (durable NON-springing financial and medical POA), an advanced directive naming someone as their "medical agent," and end of like papers (Will/Trust). Having this all done before the dementia diagnosis -- if one is made -- is key as most states (each state is different) do not allow for POAs to be signed after a dementia diagnosis.

Best to get with a licensed elder care attorney in your state to help you/your family map this out and to execute the right paperwork asap. Also that same attorney should review any paperwork you might be asked to sign when going to the Rehab facility, there are trick questions in the contract. Be sure to not sign any thing that you agree to be financially responsible or to "take them back." That sounds harsh but this puts the onus on the facility to work out what your LO really needs after the Rehab stay, what is the safe discharge thereafter becomes their responsibility. Sure you change your mind and can take them back, but do not agree to that out the outset as this is a contract with them and if you agree to take them back regardless of their condition and your ability to care for them long term, you are then stuck. There is no do over.

At the same time, start looking for high quality Rehab facilities that also have a skilled nursing home unit that is Medicare and Medicaid qualified and Memory Care too. If Medicaid may need to come into play, picking a high quality facility from the outset which has all types of "services" in one place and is Medicare and Medicaid approved prevents having to make more moves later if a permanent say is likely.

Good luck w/this, Talk w/an attorney soon.

You can't reason with someone with dementia.

Does someone have POA for healthcare?

Are there services that have doctors that do home visits in your area?

When an event like stroke symptoms happen, just call an ambulance and let them take her to ER. You do most of the talking when EMS arrives especially if she is responding in a way that is not the truth or tells the whole story about what happened.

If you really think she had a stroke and you later on see things happening that are not her normal self, call EMS after the fact. Just be very detailed when you talk to them about what you are seeing.

Ambulance ER visit may be the only way to get her to go if she would fight you and hubby about getting into your personal car.

What makes you think she had a mini stroke? What symptoms is she having? Can you call 911 to bring the responders to her instead of trying to get her to the ER?

No, there is NO reasoning with a person with dementia.
Realizing this will help you emotionally and psychologically and how to proceed.

No one who 'may' have had a mini stroke should be left to their own 'decision making' because they cannot do it.

Who has POA or other legal authority?

If it were my mother, I would call an ambulance since she (possibly) had a mini stroke and get her ASAP under medical care. Once hospitalized, they can do testing. [This is 'how' my client got tested; she wouldn't see an MD and fell down and someone outside heard her screaming ... an ambulance was called).
She never went home. She was hospitalized, got medication adjusted, and was moved into a memory care unit. I've been visiting / working with her for almost two years now.
My friend (of 20+ years had a stroke and didn't want to go either. The paramedics asked me since I was his POA. I said take him. He went and was subsequently in a nursing home for a year, then had another stroke.

It is a difficult situation although DO NOT WAIT.
If you cannot make this decision, your father / her husband has to.

She can refuse all she wants. She still goes. Otherwise, what are you going to do? Allow her, a woman with dementia, to make her own decisions? No. You do not because she cannot.

Gena / Touch Matters

Several people have asked about medical power of attorney, but I wonder - does your mom have an advance directive with a DNR? If she does, read it. I was recently surprised when I reread my mothers medical POA assigning me in that role and with it was her advance directive. I had read it when we were working on it, but not being in the thick of things back then I didn't REALLY understand it except to know she did not want to be resuscitated. After several medical issues happening within a few short weeks, I went to send the document to the hospital to have on file, I reread it and realized that there was more than just the straightforward DNR - it also said that if she were diagnosed with an irreversible disease from which she would not recover (and it specifically stated Alzheimers), she did not want to pursue medical treatment but rather, wanted to be kept comfortable and allowed to die as gently as possible. I can't tell you how much clarity this gave me in advocating for my mother's care. I shared the AD with my mom's NP, who agreed that Mom wants symptom management from here on out and not medical intervention unless it is for her comfort.

Do you think it's possible that your mother simply doesn't want to be put through diagnosis and treatment for stroke? I hope she has a good advance directive so you can know what she wanted before her dementia set in. Assuming there isn't one, you've gotten great advice from others already.

Take care.

Daniel4: As a stroke is deemed a medical emergency, you should call 911.

I said this to my daddy -- "you need to see the doctor or he will not renew your prescriptions then you will die" He could not get in the car fast enough.
sometimes just lay down the law.
blessings