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She lives alone and is able to physically care for herself, but she is mean, entitled and sundowns. She is not capable of handling her finances, meds,,cooking, shopping etc. My sister and I are at our wits end dealing with her demanding, mean behavior. I am POA, but her Dr. is of no help in diagnosing her with dementia. We want out if this hell. Any ideas?

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You can also go to an eldercare lawyer ( using Mom's money ) and ask for suggestions for care managers. Your mother's money would pay for this person to take over overseeing your mother. However, I've only been aware of those being an option for when your Mom would be in a facility , not living at home. But maybe it can be done while she is still at home??
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Reply to waytomisery
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I had a lifelong narcissist mother with dementia too.
Read this thread for more ideas. APS and stepping totally away, letting Mom become a ward of the state, is another way to go as stated already below. However, in my state giving up POA is next to impossible , you pretty much have to be severely disabled or in a coma.

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/is-it-too-late-to-stop-enabling-496116.htm
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Reply to waytomisery
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Decide if you want to be involved at all or not. If you do not, call APS in her county and report her situation, resign as POA, and back away completely. If you do want involvement, make sure her doctor is fully informed on all the symptoms you’re seeing, decide if you want to take her finances away on your own (I did this with my dad minus his knowledge in a different set of circumstances, it can be done) and then wait out an event that forces change with other daily living skills. Don’t provide a false sense of her independence by taking care of things she believes she’s handling well. An event will undeniably force change, it always does. I wish you peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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You call APS and report a vulnerable adult living by themselves that shouldn't be and allow them to come out and do an assessment and if need be take over her care.
Just because you are your mother's POA doesn't mean that you have to do the hands on care. And you can always remove yourself as her POA and allow the state to take over her care.
You are not stuck in this "hell" if you don't want to be, so call APS today.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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My mother was exactly this way. She didn't have dementia, was sharp as a tack until a week before she died.

When she lived home I just did the chores that were needed and limited my socializing to a half hour or less a day and only when an aide or my husband were present. She was nicer to me if there were others in the room.

That is how it went for a last year and a half of her life. I didn't like her much and the feeling was mutual, she didn't like me either.

Just get the job done, limit the chitchat.
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Reply to Hothouseflower
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