How do you get Mom ready to accept a caregiver coming over?

Make sure the caregiver is experienced in interacting with someone with dementia. Many aids have no specific training. Have the caregiver overlap you presence so that she doesn't start on the day your schedule changes. It's too much for someone with dementia. If possible, have the caregiver start by doing light housekeeping and tell your mom he/she is there for YOU, not her. If your mom likes to play cards or board games or go out for walks, make sure the caregiver is given ideas and expectations of what he/she is to do while you're gone. Maybe this person can take your mom out for a scenic drive or go on errands. Sometimes aids will just sit there on their phones until they have to look up and deal with something. Don't make any assumptions about the caregiver. Give them enough to fill up the time productively.

"She wants to go home to her childhood home." This is called Sundowning and usually starts to happen in the mid- late-afternoon. She needs her mind and conversation to be redirected and distracted with activity-- a perfect time for the caregiver to take her out for a walk or drive.

I encourage you to take her to get officially diagnosed.

I hope it all goes smoothly!

Tell her that the caregiver is actually household help for you since mom does not believe she has a problem (anosognomia). Let her know that "the help" has duties that include helping her whenever she needs it. This might be more acceptable for her to accept.

Tell your mom the person coming in is to help YOU since you'll be having a work schedule change; that You invited/hired this person to help YOU. Your mom may chafe at having a 'stranger' in the home, but you have the right to bring help in for YOU. Be sure this caregiver understands you've needed to frame it this way with your mom; even have this person start ahead of your new work schedule so your mom sees the new person as Your employee; then the employee's activities can evolve into 'helping mom' however is appropriate. (Nobody likes to feel they need a 'babysitter' even if we do, eventually!)

My mom lived with us when she had Alzheimer's. She also had hallucinations, and I learned that when she had them, espeically the auditory ones, the one voice she really needed to hear, was mine. She too wanted to go "home." She also would have been resistant to accept a "caregiver," so I thought if I needed someone,I'd tell my mom that a woman was coming over who was a nursing student, and she was going to interview my mom for a school project, on women who were accoutants, on women who played golf, (since my mom did both) etc. I even wrote a book about our travails called, "My Mother Has Alzheimer's and My Dog Has Tapeworms: A Caregiver's Tale." Sometimes we have to fib a bit.

Be aware that mom may still call the police. My mom tried once when we first started with caregivers. Had she been able to remember how to use the phone the police would have been there and OMG that poor caregiver.

Notify the police of the situation to help the caregiver if this does happen.

Why is mom in your home? Maybe it is time for mom to be in memory care.

Despite all efforts to introduce the caregiver for weeks beforehand when I was there, as soon as we weren’t there we realized my MIL couldn’t remember the caregiver, and it was as though she had never seen her before.

It’s better now, but my husband (who she listens to, she doesn’t listen to me) would have to call her because she kicked the PSW’s out of the house a few times. The PSW would then call him to let him know, and he would call MIL, reminding her that “our friend was coming to help US out, not YOU.” We had to do this for a few weeks before she got into the routine.

Just make sure the PSW knows to say the same thing. It’ll go smoother.

Absolutely have the caregiver come over to get to know Mom before she takes over while you're gone.

We said she was a cleaning lady but that thwarted moving into personal cares. When the dementia diagnosis was made we were open about this was home health aide. But that took an adjustment. We did sit with my mom and put a list together on what the new person would be doing. A lot of cleaning and laundry to help us out, but also making lunch and running errands for mom. Takes a period of time but if you can have the same person come it builds trust.

First you make sure the caretaker knows what is involved with this patient and must be strong enough to be able to deal with it. And I would notify the police you are getting a caretaker and unless YOU call them, they should ignore the call. Finally, if she does not cooperate in any way and nothing helps, you must place her somewhere. You cannot allow this abuse from her.

If possible have the caregiver come a few times before she has to be alone with mom.
The caregiver is there to help "you" not mom. That is if mom is of the type that does not want any help...thus the help is for you not her..
First day the caregiver is there spend some time with both then "suddenly remember" you have to go get milk for dinner. Go out for an hour then come back.
During the time you are gone the caregiver can chat with mom, maybe do the dishes that you used when you all sat down for tea or coffee.
Second day the caregiver is there start the same way but then go out and stay out for longer.
They will get to know each other that way.
When you have to go to work just say "your" friend "Sally" will come over while you are gone.