How do you get a man with Alzheimer's to give up his truck key?

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After the doctor told him not to drive because of his Alzheimer's he gave me his key. My big mistake is I put the key on my key chain. When I was asleep he took it back off my key chain and won't give it back. He was very upset because I didn't take him to the store when he wanted me to. I didn't know he wanted to go to the store. He said he will just drive if he wants to. Of course I am not going to wrestle him for it. No brothers or sons to back me up. Any ideas? He doesn't go to church.

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My husband put the ignition key back on my key chain today without saying anything to me. I just happened to notice it. He asked about the RV keys. I just looked at him and said, "I don't know". I am going to work on getting rid of the truck. I have contacted his nephew and asked for help in finding a family member who maybe could use it. I think he would be more amiable to giving it to a family member. I do need the truck next week as my car will be in the shop. After that, we can rent a truck if we need one.
Background; we have been married only 18 years. He was an old bachelor and he had this truck when we got married. It is HIS truck, not OUR truck.

In the meantime, the key is hidden, and I will work on getting rid of it.

Thank all of you so much for what you are doing for my sanity. I am not good a this caretaking thing and this forum has given me so much help. Thank you again.
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Reply to MaryKathleen
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I want to thank everyone for their prompt responses. This group is awesome.

I don't like to admit this because I thought I was over it, but I am afraid of angry men. A carry over from my childhood. It hasn't shown it's ugly head for years, now here it is.

We live in California where if you are over 70 you have to take a written test every 4 years when your license is renewed. It has 18 questions, you can miss 3. He took it 6 times and always missed 4. During this time the DMV had issued him a temporary 2 month extension. During this time he had a fender bender. I begged Ford to total it out. It was so close, NO! they fixed with used parts so the cost would be held down.

I emailed the Gerontologist before his visit and told him what was going on. He told him not to drive because of the liability. He seemed ok, went down and got a California ID card. He gave me the key, telling me to be careful because it was the last one. He has forgot I have a set that I have hidden.

He is a shade-tree mechanic. He has built dune buggies and sand rails all of his life. I do drive the truck, but I don't have to. He is cognizant enough that I don't think he would let me sell it. I thought I will check relatives to see if they could use it. He might let it go to a nephew or something.

Now that he isn't driving, he is home all the time. So, I would have a hard time disabling it in a way he couldn't just fix it with tools here at the house. How can I disable it anyway when I am never alone with the truck?

I am putting my car in the shop Monday, at this point, he will give me the key so I can drive it when I don't have my car. I am thinking about having the ignition re-keyed. He isn't so far gone that he wouldn't notice the different key if he was in the truck with me. Right now that is all I can think of to do.

I will read that article. Special thanks Freqflyer.
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Reply to MaryKathleen
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Is this your husband? Do you need to drive the truck, or do you have another vehicle to use? If you need to drive the truck, your options are different than if you do not.

If you do not need to drive the truck, it is not hard to disable it. Just disconnect the battery. If he may be able to reconnect it, then removing the distributor cap will do the trick. If you do not know how to do either of these, call a mechanic, explain the situation and have them do it for you.

If you need to drive the truck, you will have to get his key away from him (substituting it is a good idea) and keep your key in a place where he will not find it. Not on your key ring.

If he does drive, you need to call the police, have him pulled over and brought home. HIs doctor said he cannot drive, because he is not safe to do so. Not calling the authorities if he does drive makes you complicit in his actions.
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Reply to Tothill
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DISABLE THE TRUCK
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Reply to Kimber166
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Following on PolarBear's suggestion...I also would suggest substituting a similar key. And for the "disabled" vehicle, tell him the engine is blown, the transmission needs replacement, or something that's prohibitively costly. If he wants to repair it, you might mention your finances, i.e., no large amount of funds budgeted for extensive car repair, etc. But with Alz, that might not register.

The DMV or other governmental agency can schedule a special driving test, and revoke his license if he's not able to pass it. His insurance could be cancelled if he continues to drive after that. Any accidents could be financially catastrophic.

I don't know if sitting down to show him how much is budgeted for his care would work; that might just be too abstract. But certainly any car related costs and/or accidents will affect your budget.

But sometimes these threats just don't register not only b/c of the Alz. but because driving has become ingrained in our psyches as a right, and as means to freedom to go wherever someone chooses. I think that's the harder part to deal with.

If we were a smaller country and had extensive mass transit which people used more frequently, we might not be so attached to our vehicles. (I would love to ride on the German mass transit systems.) But the auto companies use a lot of psychology to continue that entrapment and perception that we all need to have vehicles. And people buy into that approach.
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Reply to GardenArtist
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Reply to freqflyer
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A less confrontational way would be to find a similar key and switch out his key, or ask a mechanic to come and disable the truck. So, when he goes to start it, it won't. You can blame the truck having problems. Tell your husband you will have it towed to a repair shop which actually is some relative's home. Keep it there and sell it.
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Reply to polarbear
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Do you use the truck? Does it have to remain on the premises? I had my husband's car stored at my brother's until I could get it sold. Also his doctor reported his diagnosis to the DMV, and they sent a letter revoking his license.

Driving is often a huge source of conflict and confrontation with dementia. Stay strong! You are not only protecting but other drivers and pedestrians.
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Reply to jeannegibbs
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Where is the key? Take it when he's asleep.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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