I go back and forth between being fed up and "knowing" I'm not the crazy one and feeling guilty that maybe I should be doing more to help. I just don't know what to do anymore.
Some background information: my sister and I have been caregiving for my Dad for at least 8 years. He had a stroke many years ago (which started the caregiving) and now has cancer that has impeded his eating and swallowing, but he can still eat soft foods and soups. The doctors told him last year that he probably had less than a year to live. One of my boundaries from the beginning was I won't do any bathing/changing clothes etc. I don't want to see my Dad naked. Dad now had incontinence issues and has a catheter which has increased his needs in that area. So far I have held firm with my boundary - I do not doing any changing, cleaning privates etc.
Dad's health has now steadily declined. He is more confused, but does not have dementia. IMO though, he should NOT be living alone, but Dad won't move and my sister seems to be doing everything in her power to keep him home.
I have suggested hospice which I think would be a huge help to Dad (and us), but I get screamed at that Dad doesn't need hospice and WE should be taking care of him and I'm a horrible person for not doing certain things (changing clothes etc). Dad has fallen twice in the last couple of weeks and each time I keep thinking this will be our chance to get him help, but no - my sister goes and picks him up. She won't call 911 because she knows they will take him in and tell him he cannot live alone. She is an RN so she at least does assess him to make sure there are no injuries.
I just don't know what to do anymore. Do I just sit back wait for another serious crises and let my sister handle all the small ones that keep happening? If something serious happens that Dad has to get admitted to the hospital then the doctors there can be the bad guys and tell Dad he cannot live alone. If I contact hospice and open that can of worms I would be creating a HUGE family problem because they don't want any outsiders in the house and Dad doesn't want to move.
It feels like it's 2 against 1 and I'm just tired of feeling helpless, tired of being yelled at when I cannot do what my sister thinks needs done. We both work full time, but I also have children to take care of. I've tried to do as much as I can, but I'm burned out. I just don't know how to find the balance between MY life and happiness and helping Dad.
Sorry this was so long. I suppose this was kind of a rant and venting as well as asking for advice, support and encouragement. Thank you for reading.