My so-called brother is 6 years older than me. Now that our parents are both gone, he is creating a lot of havoc regarding their estate. Mind you, I am the listed executor in the will. That aside, he has been insulting, rude and plain old rotten to me on and off for several years now. Why? Truly, I don't really know, and I don't care anymore. The relationship is a like a roller coaster ride, lots of ups & downs over & over again. We will get along, things are fine, more or less then something will happen, I stand up for myself, and then he retreats and stops communicating with me until months have passed. Then little by little we are talking again & getting along, until the next incident occurs. Very cyclical and predictable. I am not the one who has a problem with him, but he certainly has one with me. Just recently we were going thru my parents' house, deciding to sell furniture, have an estate sale, he was helping me, and we were getting along great for once. I thought it was weird he was being so nice to me to be honest. But, when it came time to sign a waiver for a hearing for me to be appointed as executor, communication ceased. He has hired a lawyer and is delaying the probate process, demanding bank statements otherwise he will not sign the waiver, not to mention incurring additional legal fees that we don't need. I have been so distressed over this, that I was severely depressed for about a week, crying for days on end. I am very emotional and sensitive. My mother passed away 2 months ago so I am very sad and vulnerable emotionally as it is. So, I have decided that going forward I don't want to have any relationship with him. I want to permanently sever the ties. I don't want him to have so much power over me that I crumble and fall apart from his actions. I do care about him, but I just can't continue in any relationship with him. Of course, he isn't talking to me now anyway, since he got a lawyer involved. And more than likely will continue to cause problems with probate. Our relationship will probably be over anyway, but I don't want him to have such a hold on me. It is sad, because I lost both my parents and now I have to lose him too. But, I have decided it is necessary. Any thoughts on how you stop caring about someone and disconnect emotionally? Thank you.
To my mind any but legal communications needs to stop now, as it will just muddy the waters with someone this "unpredictable" as you call him, and unstable as I would call him. To me, blood is NOT thicker than water when it comes to relatives. If they are good people they are my friends and family. If they are not, then they are not.
Keep this in the hands of your attorney and tell you brother that until the estate is settled and distributed as your parents asked YOU to do it, there will be ZERO communications other than through attorneys. Tell your attorney that you want to person who PREVAILS in court to have all court cost paid by the troublemaker (that's him).
I had a marvelous brother. I cannot imagine having one that is like having a "your worst enemy" while I am grieving my parent and trying to implement their wishes by their will.
Next, get yourself an experienced attorney as well if you haven't already. Your lawyer will be able to accurrately guide you as to whether you need to be concerned about your brother's actions or not. After all, he has to have proof of some sort of illegal activity on your part. What's going on with your brother is greed, and you can't fix that in him. So protect yourself and call his bluff.
I'm sorry for the loss of your Mom, and also sorry that your brother has revealed himself as such a greedy jerk. We don't get to pick our family members but we do get to choose if and how we engage with them. Wishing you courage, clarity, wisdom and peace in your heart as you move forward.