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My grandma was very healthy 86 after a few infections and a long hospital stay she is in hospice. I brought her home two weeks ago, I have a sister that lives about 10 minutes away grandma raised yes both. Grandma and I share a house. We thought grandma only had a few days, as she wasn't eating or drinking in the hospital. She came home is drinking water pretty good and ice cream I make a high protein mixture. Prior to getting sick mentally competent. Luckily I have church people come over a few days a week so I can take a shower or go to the grocery store. My grandma just had a bif Bowen movemrnt thst went every where I had to cream it ou, she is bed ridden, mentally she us not with it any more she fought me the whole time then though I was a nurse at the hospital ans wanted to go home, ladt night she had a rough night up every hour so I got no sleep and where is my sister no where to be seen, I am tired smell horrible as u didn't do well with poop clean up, tired, barely eat I love my grandma and will make the end of her life the best I can, but how do some of you do it for years? How do you not hate family that doesn't help? My sister and I are close she has shown up for 30 minutes every few days. Once she did stay long enough fir me to take a shower and she acted like she was giving the best gift ever. I have list respect for her. When I mentioned to her about having to get up so much in the middle if the night how tired. Was she said well you want to gave a baby you have yo with them so you are getting use to it, my grandma was an amazing woman. Though during Christmas Day we got our Christmas miracle she was lucid.

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Please tell the Hospice Nurse that you just can't do this any more. They will help you and help grandma. You did your best. Let them take over.
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Get someone else to take over. You have to think about your self too. You have tried. I myself am thinking about getting professional care in here too and moving out. My day to day life is more depressing than I have let people know. You having certain messes to clean up all the time endangers your health too. And I dont have a lot of people to talk too and that understands that I am trying. You need a life too
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Hospice is the best. On 8th month with hospice-- my wife who has FTD. Everyday--wash and care and order meds. They supply diapers and a hospital bed. And wipes! They will supply doctors through the main assigned nurse. They also have social workers who come. If you need to get someone into a home they will help. And they will arrange for temp placement if you need to get away for a week or so. And this is all paid for by Medicare! Or just put her in a home and visit. There's nothing wrong with that.
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it's impossible to do this job without help. eventually something will go very wrong & you will not have control of the results. take action to help yourself now, while you still can. i feel very serious about this. i thought i could handle my mother's dementia & catatonia by myself (while caring for another disabled person in the same house) & semi-disabled myself. i could not & my mother had to be hospitalized. please hear yourself calling for help & take care of yourself first. we are raised to think we have to do it all alone, or we're bad, have no love, whatever. my mother herself told me this: 'you have to take care of me'. but it turned out badly for her & i can't forgive myself for waiting so long to do things right. she would be better off today if i had let go sooner & gotten real help. in the end i was only sick, exhausted & furious. not good for me or her. we are given lies about what love is. we are told love is sacrifice. let's just get rid of that idea & see the truth.
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Is your grandmother enrolled in the Hospice at home care? This is a medicare program that provides considerable at home care. In my case, with a 77 year old wife with ALZ, an aide comes three times a week for bathing and general hygiene, and a nurse twice a week. The program will also provide up to five days per quarter for the patient in a nursing home, as respite time for the caregiver.

Hospice is not just a six month end of life program. It will also provide at home care for an unlimited time for those with diminishing health, not expected to improve, such as Alztiemers.

Even with some help, sole caregiving is very difficult and stressful. Well meaning friends and relatives cannot realize the problems involved, but it is what it is, and you must provide some time for yourself, or you will end needing care.

Look also for local support groups and volunteers.
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I am going through it also my 4th year,, of watching Mom (93) She has Diverticutis,, I am cleaning up a lot after her,, got her diapers she through them at me,, Sister lives 4 miles away been here 6 times all that time,,, stayed 20 minutes,, ,, I can make it to the food store or drug store (they are 5 minutes away but I always worry about, when I get home she may have fallen,, Had firstalert she wouldn't use it,, (Don't get it they just want money big scam),, Tried hospice will only come if she has docters note saying she has 6 months to live,, I haven't done anything for myself all that time,, Glad holidays are over,, She looks out window thinks everyone got new Christmas lights , They look like plane lights over the houses,, I told her they are,, airport not far away,, She still says no they are new decororations, House across street has them than house down the street than house nextdoor,, .... When she does pass my sister will show up telling me how many things in the house are hers,, I am burnt out,,
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1Teach1Cory

The experience you are having is really quite frequent. The answer is to set up a schedule for you to have a break and treat this break time as a job. Do not let your break be disturbed or overruled. (You will find plenty of times when you simply can't meet your own needs. You are the best support your Grandma has.)

I have worked with caregivers both hands on and long distance for over 25 years. My advice to all of them is to remember you must be health first. Sounds selfish, not at all, if you can't get the breaks and rest - how will you be able to provide the support necessary for your loved one? Make a list of help you need, use this list to answer the frequent question 'Can I do anything?' or 'How can I help?'. Take people up on the necessary help to give you more time to provide quality caregiving. You will be surprised at how much help is available. Check with your church (as you mentioned), get extra help with Hospice (they are there to help) and check out Respite Care.

Make a list of what you would like to do when a out of the blue help is offered. Keep a Respite Pack for yourself. That pack should have a blanket, a book or magazine, something wonderful to eat (something you would treat yourself with.) and be sure to take advantage of each moment. I know you are tired (been there done that - as have many stories from caregivers who have used this blueprint and acknowledged how different the caregiving experience was after implementing the plan.
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You do what you are doing and continue on. Getting help a few hours a day is a life saver. I am finishing up 8 years now. Never thought I could do what I do either, but live and learn I guess. My Mom cannot walk, or talk either. Hang in there and believe me, youre better off without the lazyass siblings. Take the high road and give your Mom lots of love, we get what we give.
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Talk to hospice. They have volunteers who will come and be with your loved one. They can help put you in touch with other services too.

Talk to the Elderly Care department in your city/town and see what services they can provide. With my aunt we got someone to clean (very cheap) and do laundry, meals on wheels, and someone to come in to give the caretaker a break.

And when you vote, don't forget that there services need to be funded to exist.

BTW, hospice is a short-term end-of-life service. When they are called in, it is not expected to go on for more than six months. This too shall pass, and you can take pride in what you've done... BUT TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF WHILE YOU GO THROUGH IT... else you're no good to anybody.

And yes, adult diapers!
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You are an Angel and God has a special place for you in Heaven. Your sister will have to answer to Him in the end. I wish I had useful advice because I know exactly how you are feeling...alone and desperate. I just kept praying for strength and my Mantra became "God will never give you more than you can handle". At the end of Grandma's life you will have a clean conscience. Integrity is what you do when no one is watching. Challenging times bring out a persons TRUE nature. Yours is beautiful. Talk to as many people as you can. It will help you out to "get it out" and every once in a while, someone actually has some useful advice. I wish I could give you more useful information.. I all I can say is try to get sleep any chance you get. And then try to get through one day at a time and put one foot in front of the other. I have so much respect for you and none for your sister. Just keep telling yourself "this too shall pass". Support groups are great but I couldn't even find the TIME to get to them. Websites like this are great. I wish I could be more helpful. Big hugs. Stay strong.
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