How do you deliver bad news to your elderly mother? She "feels fine" although she coughs & is short of breath. She has stage 4 lung cancer.

hauzrlisa You have been given a lot of conflicting advice here. Some say tell her, some say don't tell her. Some say do it yourself, some say it's the doctor's job. I want to share my experience, so you can make a thoughtful choice. When I met my husband in 1973, it was only a few months after his mother had died from a brain tumor. The family never told her, they didn't get to say their goodbye's, never got to express end of life feelings. I have always thought this was cruel, but I also cannot speak for everyone. I would NOT want this for myself, and have made it plain to everyone in my family.
When my stepdad was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer, I was the one who told him. I went with him to dr appointments, I was there to support anything HE decided for himself, doing the research on treatments and then presenting the facts to him. He chose no treatment because of the side effects. He lasted 5 months surrounded by family that was free to express their love for him, and assure him he was loved and treasured. I'm glad I did this.
My husband has expressed the fact that if he had it to do all over again, he would want his mother told. He says he would want to know. If you don't tell your mother, you might regret not being able to have full closure. This isn't important for some people, but it would be for me. Only you can assess this.

In the end, it isn't going to change your mother's diagnosis, but you are the one who will survive to live with the decision. Do what is best for you. If you tell her, you will find a way to soften the blow.

I have to ask why are you the one to give this information to your mom?
This I would think should be a discussion to have in the doctors office where options are presented and discussed. I am sure she will have questions and you will also.
I am sure that you have already discussed this, I noticed the date on your post.
I also wonder was she informed that "they saw something in her lungs before" and was that discussed?
Personal opinion..I would want to be informed. I would want to know what my options were and the probable scenario with each option. I am a firm believer in Quality of life over Quantity of life.
I would want the options to get things sorted out and the option to do a few things that are on my "bucket list".
Please keep us posted.

The OP has not responded to any of our replies and its been over a month.

Do you HAVETo tell her? If she’s struggling physically to breathe and the news will upset her, is there a way to “ skirt” the issue? Unless she comes right out and ASKS you, why not try to make the rest of her life as stress free as possible. What good will telling her bad new do for her? It’s a tough choice but I think I’d choose to not give her bad news. Good luck with your decision.💜

Hauz, thanks so much for the update! Let us know how you and mom are doing when things calm down a bit.