I care for my mom in my home and have a brother and sister. Brother does nothing. He lives far away but won't even discuss the situation with me when I say I am completely burned out. Sister does help out some but only on her terms and when it is convenient for her. She's a raging narcissist and incredibly abusive and difficult to communicate with. My mom is in contact with both of them even though she knows how abusive they are to me. I mean, I understand how she wants contact with them because they are her kids but sometimes she is insensitive to the toll interacting with them has on me. She treats them just as well or better than me even though they do far less and actually care far less about her. Ideally she wouldn't be living with me but I haven't been able to work that out yet. My family growing up was extremely dysfunctional and abusive and having my mom with me after all these years of having almost no contact with my siblings is bringing it all back again. Anyone else dealing with a situation like this? Plus I am working about 50 hours a week at a regular job so I am exhausted from that as well as caring for her. I could go on but I better stop for now. Thanks.

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These comments by you from 2017 stand out to me:

"I've come to hate my mother she's using me and treats me like sh*t but I don't know what to do with her"


"i can't get enough sleep because my mom makes so much noise and her walker scraps the floor all the time. my left eye is twitching insanely. please for god's sake someone help me!!!!!"

That was almost three years ago. Are things still this bad? You were on FMLA for part of that time, at least, and now you are working 50 hours/week?

Who is with her while you are work 50 hours/week? What tasks do you have to help her with or do for her?

Does she pay you or contribute financially towards your household in any way? (If not, why not?) You had posted previously that you are both poor. If that's the case, then why haven't you pursued Medicaid eligibility? Why is she still living with you?

You got angry when people suggested she go to a facility previously, but I am not understanding why. If you hate your mother, you should NOT be taking care of her.
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I’m in similar circumstances. I have 2 older sisters. When I took on the caregiving, I accepted the role willingly. My sisters, however, ran in the opposite direction. Sadly, they’ve found it easier to offer judgment and derision rather than any measure of assistance or compassion. I’ve gone through a lot of devastating pain and resentment at how difficult they’ve chosen to be. Every once in awhile one of them does or says something that triggers me but overall I’ve distanced myself emotionally. There will never be a relationship with them and I’m okay with that. In fact, I have chosen to forgive them for my own peace of mind. I still notify them of significant changes in dad’s condition but that is it. This past year, I even refused to participate in the holiday nonsense. I resent that they pretend to care at Thanksgiving and Christmas but are MIA the other 363 days of the year. The entire process has re-opened some very old wounds. When I was little, they left and I was alone in an abusive, alcoholic home with a suicidal mother. They could’ve intervened but chose to do nothing. In hindsight, I shouldn’t have been surprised when they walked away so easily all these years later when the going got tough. I realize to a great extent that we are living our roles that are cast in dysfunctional families but beyond that, I’ve decided to live my life with principles...trying to do the right thing even when it’s difficult. My sisters though, are still just playing their roles. Never emotionally maturing, never placing anyone else’s needs before their own. I often say when this is over, I will still have a soul. My sisters however, will have an undercurrent of guilt and regret to shadow their existence. Oh well.
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I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. For your own mental, physical, and emotional health please take your siblings out of the picture. Don’t ask for their help, don’t update them on mom, don’t interact or listen to mom’s conversations with them, anything that brings you that much negativity and upset isn’t worth it and is harming to you. Work on forgiving them, they aren’t capable of being who you want them to be, the forgiveness is private and for you, it will release you to let it go.
As for mom, if you don’t want to be providing her care in your home, there are most often choices. And paying for them is on her, not you! Please don’t go broke paying for her care
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Thank you. You're right about my siblings having a right to do what they want but I do judge them harshly for it especially since they know I am doing most of it and they don't care. I'm going to be honest, they may have a right to be that way but that doesn't me I have like it or respect their decision. this has caused me to dislike both of them intensely but to be fair I didn't really like them in the first place. I don't know if I can get out of this or get help. i'm just too stuck and too broke … thank you for responding.
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You may not like this answer, but I mean it in a kind way, to help YOU have a better life.

You can not make anyone do anything. Though your siblings may seem like they are being total jerks, they are not required to help take care of your mom in any way. But then, neither are YOU required to do so. It is a choice. Since you are burned out, you need to make some new choices. You need to come first.

Boundaries - you need to set some

Help - you need to get some

Placement - depending on her needs (which must not be 24/7 since you are working). Ultimately, you may need her to move into some kind of a facility so you can get your life back.

You just can NOT do it all alone.
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