I'm new here. My dad died in Dec. My mom refused to be alone. She is hysterical when alone. She had a falling out with sibling and threw him out of her house. This was unfortunate because he was willing and able to move in with her so she could stay at her house and start working on getting used to living there. Her mood swings are not new, I have heard about them from my dad, he had 55 years of experience in handling them or ignoring them. He did complain more in his later years and I'm sorry to say that we thought he was exaggerating.
The fallout with my sibling was in Feb and since then she lived with me. We gave her my daughters room and we started to build a room for her because she did not want to live alone and my daughter needed her space. Previously my eldest son who just turned 17 would spend a few nights with her but he needs supervision to make sure he gets his work done etc so that was not going to be a long term solution, besides that's not his job in life.
My other sibling would come weekly, he lives out of state until Feb because he lost his job, but the Covid and he lives in a state with massive cases. When he would leave and I would suggest my mom go to her house she would get hysterical and lash out so I stopped.
My kids would go with her to her appts but then Covid got worse and limits on waiting rooms etc so they stayed home. I've signed them up for a slew of classes to keep them busy and engaged. She says I keep them from her but I don't. I keep them busy, they are 14 and 17 so they are not 4/7 and she treats them like little kids and expects a whole lot of attention from them and as teens you know they hardly pay attention to me. Not rude but doing their own thing which I'm ok with.
My mom hates everything about how we live, FYI we aren't heathens or anything lol. It's just not like how she does things. She holds in a million little things that irk her and then has a massive meltdown, tantrum, whatever you want to name it. She demands that I do not tell my sibling because she hates to hear anything from anyone and when I do tell him and he confronts her, her anger is even worse. She favors him, I'm the daughter I have to take it all and stay silent.
This past weekend she had a meltdown because we didn't attend a zoom funeral with her. She refused to connect on her own and had a massive meltdown from there, she stated spewing all this crap about all these things that I do wrong. To make me feel bad she refuses food, when she does that she will cry and say it's better to get sick and die. So I told my husband to talk to her. That made matters worse. She went to her house to cool down on Sunday (this started Saturday) and came back acted fine chatted with us etc. Mon am, while my husband was working she lashed out again and told me I should have NEVER involved him. I told her she lives with us not me and when she talks like that I will involve him.
She's been self exiling to her house during the day to stick it to me. But it's a silver lining as I get a break. She should have been doing that for months, so it's a good thing. The only problem is she lies that she eats when my sibling talks to her and to me tells me she hasn't eaten all day.
She can drive, she has enough money, she has her own house and with meds she has her conditions under control, diabetes, high blood pressure. She tells me she can get her own food, refuses any delivery and if I offer food to take with her she will say, why? Unless you are implying that I'm leaving. So damned if I do, damned if I don't
Back story we did live with them before but moved after a few years even though we built a 2nd house due to the meddling in how we raised our kids. If I punished my son especially, she would cry. Now as they were older if she thought I left them alone she told my daughter she could call the police and get custody even though they were old enough to be alone (and it was usually an hour or two)