How do you deal with the anxiety when the phone rings?

My 90 year old dad used to call a lot....and most of the time that was fine; I would read aloud to him and we had many wonderful conversations. I had to keep the laptop handy to look up information pertaining to our deep discussions However, sometimes Dad didn't realize what time he was calling. I worked out an arrangement. The number he called was my home phone. The ringer to the landline next to my bed was turned off, but I would make sure that the nursing home knew to call my cell if there was an emergency. So, he could call me anytime up to 10:30 at night. After that, he would get the answering machine and know that I was asleep. I could sleep better, because I knew that the facility could still reach me.

Caring42, I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. Just to follow up on my earlier post - shutting off the phone overnight to set sleep boundaries. Without going into all the details, this scenario came true on Thanksgiving night when I missed an 11 p.m. and a midnight call that the home agency had called 911 to take my mom to the hospital because she had been throwing up. Long story short, everything seems fine and she was not admitted. For those 3 hours when I was unaware, the helper did a great job overseeing things and my mom's demeanor was OK. So I think all in all the approach seemed to work - although I still did have a little guilt for not being on scene immediately.

Can relate and empathize with so many of you having the jitters when you hear the phone ring. My parent passed away a few months ago, yet I still get the jitters when the phone rings. One posting stated it took over 2 years to get over that feeling. Wow!

My parent's "weapon" was the phone. This went on for decades and was directed at many folks. In the last few years it seemed that my phone# was what she recalled best, so "tag, I was It." I had to let many calls in the last 10 years go to voicemail and as the one posting stated -- I would replay to grasp the situation first so would be prepared. It helped! I also asked for a specific time for a weekly call so I could fully focus on the conversation. Homecare aides would try to make a list on a pad of paper for her. Often there were still random calls; I'd check with the Homecare agency to try and sort out the truth/facts before I called back.
Two points to make that I hope will help others:
(1) If you hire a "pendant alert" service, request up front if they will set hours for calling for "emergency vs non-emergency" situations. If they won't, find another company. My parent's pendant-alert company would persistently call until they got me on the phone -- they said it was their policy. Also, their operators spoke very fast and it was difficult for my ears to catch what they said. I had to get blunt and ask the person to slow down and repeat. I also spoke to company supervisors and asked a note be put on my phone info to try and speak slower and more clearly. If it was hard to hear at my age, imagine what it sounded like to the person who has fallen and is trying to talk with the pendant-alert response person.
(2) When my parent moved to a nursing home, I did not install a phone which cost $60 a month. That gave her free rein to call me whenever? -- No! However, I did arrange for her most consistent Careaide to have 2-3 hours a week for a visit to take care of personal errands, check clothing and personal items, ect. The aide was willing to loan her phone for a call and would dial up my ph# on the smaller handset. She would text me first to make sure I was available for the call. Much more workable solution.

I hope that some day I'll get over those "phone jitters" but decades of calls are pretty deeply ingrained. I actually did go camping last month and left the phone in my purse some of the time . That is an accomplishment. Hugs to all of you!