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I keep running into roadblocks with trying to find options for paying for Mom’s care.... and the anxiety is setting in. I have posted some of this before, but…

The goal is to keep Mom in her home. Since about February, Mom's evening care has been paid for out of her savings account at about $5,000 per month, and we are going to be out of money soon.

Last week, I applied for a home equity loan in her name and she was pre-approved (good news). But, a few days later, I found out that the POA I had set up did not include loans. That was my fault because when I did the POA last year, I didn’t include loans as an option. All I wanted to do was be able to pay bills since she couldn’t add me to her checking account because she didn’t have a valid ID. So, I did the POA. Never having been through this before, I had no idea at that time that we would even have to hire caregivers. So, the HELOC is now on hold, until/unless I get guardianship of person for financial.... to the tune of several thousand dollars.... Or a redo of the financial POA with a physician certifying her incompetent (she can no longer sign her name…). We will probably be out of money by the time that goes through the court system…

Today, I talked to an elder law attorney, and made an appointment for 2 weeks from now... more $$....

Over the phone, I inquired about the Medicaid waiver in order for Mom to stay in her home once her assets are paid down. I was told by several people that there was an 8-year wait list. Well, as it turns out, the State of Maryland put a hold on in-home Medicaid waivers two years ago because the list was too long. The lawyer told me that the only way around it is to go into a nursing home until Medicaid kicks in and then go back home. Then the waiver would kick in.

The lawyer also gave me the name and number of a Case Manager. So, I called her. She seemed very knowledgeable. When I heard her fee, I told her we couldn't afford it....

I feel like it is all on my shoulders, with my siblings letting me do whatever I feel needs to be done. I am the only one who sees the problems and tries to resolve them by making phone calls while I am sitting with Mom... (I am making one of my brother go with me to the appointment with the attorney, though.)

My stomach has been in knots all day after getting all this news, thinking of all the money that has to be put out just to make sure things are right… Worrying about Mom running out of money... And trying to face the fact that Mom may have to go into a nursing home -- not because I cannot take care of her -- but because she has no money...

I really thought by now, she would be bedridden -- after all, a PT told me almost two months ago that Mom probably won’t be walking in 3-4 weeks…Wrong. Even after her last fall 4 weeks ago (and 5 stitches later…), she has been doing surprisingly well. 

With Mom being 94, how can anyone even guess how long you need the money to last??

This has been a real learning experience – and one I do not want to go through again…

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I am so sorry you are having to go thru all of this. But, you are taking care of things appropriately and being proactive. You are taking good care of your Mom. It’s also good that you are including your brother in the appointment with the lawyer. I hope this all works out for you quickly.
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The tsunami of the baby boomers hitting being “at need” will vaporize the existing social service systems in the US. The first low waves are already lapping at the states shorelines.....

In my state - Louisiana- the current state budget does not have the $ to pay for the required state coshare for Medicaid programs. The governors office (D-Edwards) via DHHS sent out a letter last month to abt 40,000 medicaid recipients in LTC programs (AL and NH programs) that as of July, 2018 state funding for Medicaid would cease unless legislators prioritized Medicaid to have it fullly funded in the budget.  Legislators were pretty peeved that Governor Edwards did this but he said it needed to be known as families needed to plan.... Their in a dual “special session” & regular session right now up in big Baton Rouge to deal with the massive shortfall of $ due to the clusterF that was the whiz kid Bobby Jindal R-governor years (huge tax cuts and tax abatements along with some less than stellar tax credits programs). But something definite has to be placed by this Monday, 6/4 otherwise no state share of Medicaid paid to facilities starting July. Several NH owners have said that if that happens they will close within months and the fall back is to send residents to ER and let them then become a problem for the state Charity hospital system to deal with. 

Aging in America will not be pretty unless there’s a dramatic change in governing. 
The midterms are super important. 

Unless you’ve dealt with an aging “at need” elder or special needs child, most folks are clueless as to the costs and availability of programs.
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Mapotter, aren't you amazed at how much it cost to become elderly. I was in shock, like a deer in headlights when I heard the cost for professional caregivers, the cost of Independent Living, the cost of Assisted Living/Memory Care, and the cost of long-term-care for my parents.

Thankfully they saved for these rainy days, but once it started pouring I was wondering how long would all their savings would last.

I also couldn't believe the cost of items like Depends. Good heavens, run through a pack within a week or so. I was cutting out coupons left and right just to save my parents a few dollars.

And the cost of eyeglasses, dentist, and hearing aids that aren't covered by Medicare nor by secondary insurance. Come on guys, this is when our parents need these things on a more frequent basis.

My Dad, after my Mom had passed, was ready to sell their house. Whew, I was Power of Attorney... so on days that my Dad was back in his time machine to the 1940's, I could sign for him. Otherwise he was still able to read house contracts. That equity was a good buffer, but I still worried because I didn't know how long he would live. He came from a very long line of people who even back in the early 1800's lived into their late 90's. My Dad was the same age as your Mom.
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Garden, I live in Texas. In home waiver lists exist. My autistic son is on a community assistance waiver waiting list and has been for almost 10years. It’s almost impossible to “jump the line”. So much need and lack of resources. If the level of need is that great, nursing home care is usually deemed cheaper and easier to administer in large populations. The “need wave” coming with frail aging and disabled persons has already overwhelmed states. Look at homeless populations in major cities. Lack of affordable housing and Medical care are cascading thru the states. Too few dollars left from tax cuts and business waivers to lure investment to fund programs. Tip of the iceberg.
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freqflyer.... I hear you....
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Ma, am I understanding correctly that you prepared the POA for your mother's signature? it wasn't done by an attorney? If the former, you might have trouble using it anyway b/c it would obligate your mother (or you, possibly as guarantor) and make her liable for an indebtedness she might not be able to repay.

I'm assuming your mother has dementia? How serious is it? Could she respond verbally? I have a vague recollection of working for an estate planning attorney who video recorded execution of documents b/c the individual couldn't write, or might have been blind....I just don't remember that much about the situation.

I'm thinking an elder law attorney could prepare a new POA, simple and straight to the point, but thorough, and explain it verbally to your mother for her agreement to sign with an x (with someone guiding her hands), or record the entire session to document that the POA was executed freely.

This isn't the best way to get it done, but it would give you authority to execute legal documents for a HELOC on her behalf.

Are you absolutely sure that the existing POA doesn't give you execution authority for a HELOC? Are there any catch-all provisions allowing you to perform "any necessary acts: to obtain financing, or care for her in other ways?

If there's nothing like that, I think maybe this is a time to call your elected representatives and see if there's anything they can do, like get a waiver from the Medicaid stay so that you can access Medicaid for payment. I'm sure someone could "pull some strings" for you. Or maybe some support from a local tv station (although I really wouldn't want to go public with something like this).

I hope someone else can offer a good suggestion. Sounds like you're really, really "between a rock and a hard place."
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BTW, contact the attorney again and let him/her know this is an urgent situation. Or find someone else who can get you in on a quicker basis. If you're using a sole practice attorney, consider a law firm with multiple attorneys; you might even be able to meet with a paralegal who can take all the information on behalf of the attorney.
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Absolutely maddening, isn't it?
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MaPotter, I'm so sorry if I made any hurtful comments regarding your mother's inability to write. That wasn't my intention. I was trying to figure out how she could agree to a HELOC under the existing circumstances.

Guest, thanks for the insight. As with the signature issue, I was trying to figure out some way that MaPotter could get help, and politicians have been known to sometimes do something for their constituents.

Your points on what's probably become overwhelming in getting on Medicaid are well taken. I think we're heading for a crisis in elder care, sooner rather than later.

I watched part of a good PBS program last night, and plan to post on it separately. The "golden years" are anything but, and with a redirection of priorities that definitely are not humanitarian oriented, care will probably be more challenging, and as you pointed out, people are going to slip through the cracks in the safety nets.

Or maybe they could be recruited to build walls, as it seems as though a certain individual continues to alienate other countries...and who knows? Maybe he'll want to waste billions of dollars building a wall on our northern border.
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Frustrating stuff. More money is needed for social programs, and instead the current powers-such-as-they-be are cutting them like crazy or trying to. When will people wake up to the problems coming around the bend, namely the sheer numbers of people who will need help for care as they age? Instead they cut taxes to benefit the wealthy, who do not need the help. I've even heard some billionaires say they do not need a tax cut. What are our priorities here?
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