How do you deal with the stress of having a parent who is terminal and needs 24hr care?

I signed a DNR on her when she entered the NH. She is mentally competent, just very, very weak. She is active LDS (Mormon). Most of her church friends have passed away but there are a few that visit her on occasion. The Bishop has visited her and is aware of her condition.

bjp, is your mother still competent? Hospice will probably ask her to sign a DNR order to not be resuscitated if her heart stops beating. At 93 this is a very good thing, since CPR is very hard on a 93-year old body and will not have any desirable outcome since the condition of her heart is so poor. Is your mother a member of a church or other spiritual group? I wondered if she might find some comfort in a visit from the clergy.

Mom never took out a living will. But I haven't had any problem telling doctors/nurses what to do for her. They understand. Yes it's tough to face this alone. Mom is such a fighter, she's overcome a lot in her 93 years.

The stress of seeing a loved parent reach the end of their lives is very difficult. I know that with CHF, both your mother and you are having a lot of stress at the moment. I hope that hospice will help make it less. Do you have your mother's medical POA (healthcare proxy)? If you do, you may want to work closely with hospice to make sure their plan of serving your mother is the same as your own.

Something that helped me dealing with my father's last days was to realize that it was in God's hands. I am not a religious person, but I found comfort in knowing that it was in His hands. I think what we can do for ourselves and our loved one is to come to an acceptance and know that the end of life can be easier than suffering for a longer time. Letting go can be hard, since as long as there is a spark of life, there is always the hope that things will be okay.

I'm sorry that you are going through this alone. I've always thought it would be easier if we had sisters to share with. I guess it is why this group is so nice. There are a lot of people to write to here. We have been and are going through the same thing.

She is in a nursing home now. She has CHF. She's 93 now. She is my only immediate family (I'm an only child). The stress can be overwhelming even though she's being cared for in a home. There's always the "what ifs" that run through your head. We're very close. More like best friends than parent-child. Hospice is coming tomorrow.

I'm sorry. It just says heart condition/stroke, so I'm not sure which it is. Let us know a bit more and others may have some good advice.

I read on your profile that your mother is in a nursing home after having a stroke. It sounds like you are doing the best you can to handle the stress on both you and her. Have you thought about calling hospice in if the nursing home will work with them? Sometimes they can make things easier.