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Hi Sufferme,

I am dealing with many of the same issues and while my Mom has not been formally diagnosed with a mental health issue, I strongly suspect one. The hardest part for me is to be the focus of her ire/rage/anger/verbal abuse - even if I leave the room or the house for a bit she will follow me or call me - it is non-stop.

What I have taken to doing is getting in my car and going out with my dog and turning off the phone, at times, returning until it is very late in the hope of re-charging my batteries and my mom being asleep (but she will stay up until I return and make sure to punish me for whatever slight she feels I have committed).

Like you, I have fibro, which has worsened and it was a "call to arms" to take care of just not my physical health but my mental and emotional health as well. I found this website by chance (and desperation) and plan on joining a support group for I fear if I let the resentment I have towards my mother fester that I will become bitter (since becoming my mother's caregiver my "joie de vivre" is disappearing quickly) and my children deserve better. And we do to. We owe it to ourselves and our families.


Broken Daughter
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I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I understand, completely. When mom gets ticked and starts shooting venom at me.... I quietly leave the room. And come back in a few minutes. It is hard to hear, and I try to tell myself that this is the disease. This isn't my mother speaking. It doesn't always work, but I try! If I attempt to be the adult and ask what is wrong/what did I do wrong? it seems to make it worse.

I don't understand why I am the target, but, in reflecting on that.... I represent everything she has lost. Things she used to be able to do and take care of. So I can see that would cause resentment.

After reading about a study on benadryl.... I researched whether she could take benadryl /diphenhydramine (no interactions with any of her current meds) and if it would help. I currently give her a kids benadryl every afternoon. To help with sundowning and to help her be more compliant and easier to deal with. For the really, really, REALLY bad days she gets a whole adult capsule. Which knocks her out but that is to be preferred over constant nastiness and brawling. I rarely do that, but if it is needed I do. A few times she asked me what it was for and I replied.... Allergies!! They are terrible right now!

Keep hanging in there, I hope this helps.
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Sufferme, has your Mother been tested recently for a Urinary Tract Infection? Such an infection can cause someone in their 90's to attack and name call. Antibiotics will help with the infection.

I see from your profile that your Mom has Alzheimer's/Dementia, so if this isn't a case of UTI, then it is probably a stage of Alzheimer's/Dementia.

If at all possible, and I know this isn't easy, try to ignore what your Mom is saying. Or you can just agree with her, reverse psychology, which she may or may not understand, but it would make you feel better. I've seen very experienced professional caregivers do this, "you're right, Miss Sally, I don't know what I am doing".
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I think Mom maybe showing signs of Dementia. COPD could cause this because she isn't getting enough oxygen. Is she on oxygen.

Her fibro is probably causing pain. Anger can be caused by the pain and not being able to breathe. Probably tired too. Like said call your local O of A. If Mom receives Medicaid for health insurance she may be able to get some help there.
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Sufferme May 2019
Im the one with copd psoriatic arthritis and fybro.....physically mother is fine except for weak leg muscles due to inactivity.
My father said the most horrible, disgusting things to me, his only daughter(who was taking care of him)in the 10 years I took care of him, while he sung the praises of his son who did nothing for him and barely visited. I would try to remind myself that his disease(dementia/alzheimers) was talking, but it wasnt easy especially since he never said a bad word to my brother, My dad passed two years ago now. I miss him alot, but I miss the dad that took care of me, and cared about me. I still hurt from the things he said to me. Just try to remember the mom that loved you, cared for you and worried about you. I would walk away when he started on one of his "rants" into how horrible I was, and when I would go back later (10 min- 15 min) he would usually be in a different frame of mind and forgotten the whole incident.. Try to get help, take care of yourself, and remember the good times. Go in the other room when needed. Remind yourself that the disease is talking.
Helpful Answer (2)

Have you called your local area on aging? It may be called counsel on aging or something else. Google senior services for your county, you will find them. They will be able to help you find what resources are available for you and mom.

Hugs, I hope you feel better and find a solution to give you a break.
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