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Losing my mind. We cannot steam clean the carpet enough, it’s simply impossible to keep clean. Doc has his own “suite” with his own bathroom, bedroom and full bath. What he does behind closed doors is beyond me. Yesterday I went to his room to hang up his clothes - by the way, how does a man who stays home every day all day go through more laundry than my two teenagers combined?? Anyway, I step on wet carpet on the side of his bed, and in total disgust, I walk to the other side to remove the bedding, where I step into yet another huge wet spot on the carpet, noticing the yellow staining on the sheet, even down the side of the bed. Unreal. I wanted to throw up. I want to scream just talking about it now! What in God’s name do others do in this situation? How can you stand to live smelling and seeing this every single damned day? As I continued to hang up his million pieces of clothing up in angry tears, all I wondered was if they do this in a nursing home? Do they clean the carpet and bedding immediately with oxy clean and every other measure to combat the smell, stain and germs? Do they wash clothes nonstop and hang them up perfectly? I am truly losing my mind in this never ending battle, and I need to know how others who live with the same issue deal with it. He does not have any infection, does not eat asparagus and yes, we get him depends. From his couch, to the bathroom floor, to the carpet - and he wears his house slippers all over the house - God help me, it makes me so sick that this is my home and this is my father in law. He does not know he has dementia (never been spoken of) and denies incontinence, though that has been brought up at the dr. Little things like when he goes to get coffee and touches the sugar and drawer for a spoon and the coffee pot handle - don’t want him to touch anything. Had to put an “out of order” sign on the half bathroom to prevent him from using that because I’m cleaning endlessly - I’m losing it. Just losing it! Any ideas on how to deal with it until we get him in a home?

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baking soda towels and a good vacume
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Sorry you are having this problem. I have learned to work with this by putting it in the context of going behind a baby to two years of age. Make sure the depends is snug at night. Nothing to drink two hours before bed, and try to toilet before bed. Know that the average bladder won’t hold more than 12 oz so get them up up early to go to the bathroom. My dad cannot even pull down or pull up his depends or wipe and Butt Paste helps when there are problems that get raw behind! I have wood floors, no rugs for dad to trip on or do anything else on. Puppy pads are great to get up water in hurry and I always have Lysol on hand. Get two good mattress pads that are waterproof and have at least a minimal of 3 sets of white sheets(easier to clean/bleach) . Use white wash cloths/towels also again easier to clean. I put chair handles on the toilet for dad to grab on to when he sits down but still have to verbally give him the run down as to what we are doing-walk in front of the toilet, you are going to sit down (I insist as the aim is gone ) put your hand on this side of the toilet chair( I pull down the depends)put your hand on other side of toilet chair,now sit down- then I have to guide his back down as he doesn’t understand that word anymore,and help him sit upright-reverse the process to get up after he is finished. Find your routine,tweet it and you all will be fine.
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So sorry you are having to deal with this. I know what you are going through. My husband is totally incontinant and now wears depends and overnight pull-ups at night. He is fine during the day as long as he has his docker pants on as he can’t undo the button. When he could undo his pants he would also use the floor. At night he would pull his pull-ups down and wet the bed, I started putting duct tape around his waist just below the top of the pull-up fairly snug. I have not found a pull-up that doesn’t leak. I use a large washable bed pad under the bottom sheet another on top of the bottom sheet and a disposable waterproof pad on top of that. The disposable pad came from Walmart in the baby department, they have a sticky area on the bottom of each corner. They keep the sheets dry. I had the carpet taken out of our bedroom and replaced with tile planks. Like you I get so flustered with the 24/7 care. I am looking into nursing homes but can’t bring myself to place him there yet. You may have to do the same. I have to do a lot of praying too.
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Rainmom Sep 23, 2018
Heartsick -
Ive been dealing with diapers/pull-ups/Depends now for 25 straight years. And you are right - they ALL leak.

Whether it’s a poor quailty product, the absorbing material gets slightly wet once but then hit again with a full load - which now won’t absorb or the man parts are ill positioned - they all leak.

But I love the idea of a protective pad having sticky corners to help secure staying in place! That’s a new one that I didn’t know of! No matter how many pads I would place in the bed - they’d all end up wadded together in some useless corner of the bed.

Still picking up helpful tips from the wise - here on Aging Care!
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We have a waterproof pad on Doc’s mattress, but not rubber. Sounds like the facilities have many layers of more laundry and cleaning to do. I’m already all over the walls, doorknobs, counters, handles - all but the ceiling in antibacterial spray and paper towels. We now have a stench from the septic tank we had cleaned only 6 mos ago. Normal tanks get cleaned every 2 to 3 years. Has he burdened our system already again with too much paper flushed down?! Replacing that system would be $50k we simply do not have. It is overwhelming and defeating when it’s just me and my husband, with two kids and running two companies to make ends meet. Linoleum is a great idea - I’m already resolved to gut the entire suite when he moves out, including the sub flooring. Yes, I do often think I don’t want to live in this house or ever look back after this ordeal.
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Riverdale Sep 23, 2018
Could he possibly drink less liquids? I told my mother to drink when thirsty but not gulp down alot. She has also had some help with medication from a urologist. There was testing involved. I have visited other family in the past at nursing homes and sometimes found the stench awful so I don't think all staff is on top of the situation. Are you able to place him in a NH anytime soon? I hope you find some solutions.
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People with dementia do inexplicable things; some will pee in trash cans or drawers or the closet instead of the toilet, some will wear the same urine soaked clothing or incontinence brief for days on end all the while insisting that they don't have incontinence and don't need to change. Bottom line is he needs supervision to ensure he goes in an appropriate place - that may include using an audio or motion monitor so you know when he is getting up through the night so he can be pointed in the right direction.
And I will join the chorus on pulling up the carpet - chances are it is already ruined and once the urine soaks through the underpad and into the sub floor you will be replacing the entire floor in order to get rid of the odour.
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One weapon in your losing battle with dementia and incontinence - linoleum.

Pull up the carpet in your FIL’s room and put down linoleum. Not tile - tile can be porus and absorb urine that both stains and holds onto odor - not to mention grout. Keeping grout clean in typical circumstances is hard enough.

I know linoleum hasn’t been a fashion statement since the 1940’s but how it looks isn’t important here - saving your under-flooring is.

You may be thinking this is a lot of money for a temporary fix if your plan is to have your FIL placed in a nursing home. But like I said - consider your under flooring. If you don’t get a handle on this problem tout de suite - when FIL moves out not only will you be pulling up carpet and carpet padding - you’ll be pulling up floor boards as well. That is - if you’re hoping to keep your home from smelling like a men’s gas station urinal. Sorry!

As for all the germs that are being carried through your house by hand? Lysol or Clorox antibacterial wipes. Costco carries a five canister package for around $17.

And when you’re about ready to loose it - remind yourself it could always be worse - Doc hasn’t become bowel incontinent. Not yet.
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Ugh, I can’t even imagine the sadness and disgust you’re feeling. You asked what they do in a nursing home so here what they do in Moms. I can only speak about the residents that are not bedridden, as I’m not sure how they handle those cases.

The beds don’t have normal cloth mattresses, they’re rubberized and they get washed down weekly. Do you have a plastic mattress pad?

They use at least 1 washable pad about 2 x 3’ on top of the fitted sheet. This gets changed every morning along with anything else that’s wet, when they make the bed. They bedding is changed completely once a week, if it’s not soiled in between. The washable pads really help keeping it dry and odor free.

The residents are are on a toileting schedule 3 to 4 times a day routine, to augment if/when they ring for an aid.

Nighttime briefs are usually different from the daytime ones.
Some residents have catheters.

There is NO carpet anywhere except the common living room. The bedrooms and hallways all have the new luxury vinyl tiles that look like wood. Theyre pretty indestructible. Housekkping mops daily and the halls are cleaned with a riding machine weekly. I would highly recommend you pull the carpet out ASAP. The mistakes would be a lot more apparent, and perhaps the cold floor would remind him that it’s not the toilet. Housekeeping also uses chlorox spray for urine smells and other disinfectants to spray down wheelchairs and mattress as needed.

They wash clothes daily, and they come back from the inhouse laundry the next day, hung on hangers like a dry cleaner, and the laundry people put them away.

There are no smells emanating from the rooms (usually). The only smell is from the area where soiled bedding is stored in bins waiting for the housekeeper to collect it.

Handwipes everywhere! Both the machines and the packages. Maybe you could put a dispenser by the kitchen door and implement a policy that everybody uses it before they enter the kitchen.

I hope these may give you some ideas on how the NHs handle it. I’m sure you,ll get more advise from others on how to manage until he’s placed in one.
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So sorry you are going through this. I can relate. My Mom pulls her pants down before she gets to the toilet and urinates on the floor. I had to remove trash can from her room because she peed in it also. I have a baby monitor and any time she goes to the bathroom I follow her and put my hand on her back to “steady “ her and guide her to toilet. I hand her depends, pads and wipes giving her verbal cues. I just visited memory care facility they won’t take mom because she urinates on floor and some behavior problems they say she is too involved. Now looking into NH. Good luck
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