My husband has 4 siblings and two of the brothers and their wives are very perfectionistic house keepers who have always made my mother-in-law feel nervous and even ashamed. When my mother-in-law was growing up, her own mother was excessively harsh with her and shamed her cleaning, which was never good enough. She had a mother-in-law and a sister-in-law who were very fussy housekeepers as well. Consistently over the last 39 years, my mother-in-law has said how she really doesn't even like having any of them over, even though she is a perfectly good housekeeper herself, because she feels she couldn't ever live up to their expectations of cleanliness and doesn't want to. She is fine with the odd little bit of dust if her kitchen and bathroom are clean and everything is tidy.
She has been in hospital for a few days with an infection and is expected to make a full recovery but now the fussy people are pouncing and saying she isn't coping and wanting to look at care etc. because she isn't quite up to their standards. My mother-in-law has actually been complaining a lot since the Covid lockdown because they are after her about the cleaning and she says it doesn't bother her to have a little bit of dust especially since no one will see her place except herself and family and she doesn't even want them to come over because they are so fussy and make her annoyed.
So, how do I deal with relatives who are pushing their agenda onto my mother-in-law who is not incompetent and has been coping to most people's standards; just not the hyper-perfection people.