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I am this close to leaving. She rips up throws away and hides things. She throws a loud temper tantrum at night for several days if I ask nicely for her not to touch my things. I lock them up she finds them. She busted the door to my safe I had my valuables.
My mother doesn't like my fall decorations. At first she denied it but then admitted she was mad the air fryer broke and I looked at her the wrong way so she broke a bunch of my decorations and my ball for the pool and ripped up a yard and something really special my late husband made me because it looked slutty. I am not arguing with her but I am thoroughly sick of this shit.How would you handle it?

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This living arrangement isn’t working anymore for either of you, no one’s fault. Mom needs professional care in an environment designed for people with dementia where her breaking things and tantrums won’t be personally hurtful. You need peace and rest. Time for a new plan for you both
Helpful Answer (14)
Reply to Daughterof1930
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I'm a working caregiver and have been able to decipher several episodes related to certain individuals. Dementia patients like this have some cognition at the time to do these harmful and hurtful things even though they may not remember it later. Destroying your possessions is taking this to another level. Then she admitted to destroying your things. You two actually had a conversation about this, and she admitted she did it. That to me is showing acknowledgement of the act, and she remembered doing it.

It is time to leave. It is time for placement. This either works for the caregiver or it doesn't work at all. Don't allow yourself to become a hostage to this disease, and you become another casualty to it. A caregiver can only go so far with any situation like this one you just described.
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Reply to Scampie1
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Medication or a facility, or both.

I'm so sorry for this distressing situation when you are doing your best to care for her.
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Reply to Geaton777
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When my dad with dementia was agitated he was prescribed Seroquel which helped settle him. He was also given as needed anti anxiety medication, both prescribed by his neurologist.

I hope you can find out what works for both of you.
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Reply to DaughterofAD3
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Mom needs to be in memory care .
You can no longer be her caregiver .
Sometimes family becomes a trigger , and the parent needs to be taken care of by non family .
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to waytomisery
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Leaving would be the best thing you could do for both of you. She would then have to get into a situation where professional caregivers provide her care, and you'd get your life back.

Home care is usually unsustainable. Your mom has proven it so. I wish you luck in placing her. Don't even think that if you hire home health aides, that will solve the problem. It would only add to your problems because then you'd have aides who don't want to work under such conditions, and you'd have to keep scrambling to find and keep more.

Meds would probably help mom, but you'd be the one who'd have to get her to take them, and that's another hassle.

Good luck, and I hope you are making plans to turn mom's care over to a care facility where they'll know how to handle her.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Your Mom needs to be placed. If you leave without doing this, call APS and explain this is a vulnerable adult that needs care you cannot give. Your leaving because of the abuse. If she has ever hit you, thats abuse.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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You say "I am close to leaving".
Please say more. What are the circumstances here?
Are you living with your mothers? If so, for how long?
Is your mother living with you? If so, for how long?
What other problems do you have ongoing.
Is your mother safe to live alone on her own?
Have you considered placement for your mother?
Do you have POA for your mother?
Have you discussed your mother's problematic behaviors with her doctor?

Without information from you I am afraid all I can do is give you my sympathy.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Sorry for your stress, but you are losing your empathy and compassion. It is time to place your mom in memory care. My dad broke things, but he had no control because the Dementia was causing it. We got so upset at him. It made my dad feel sad, but he kept breaking things. My dad broke 2 toilets and a bathroom sink. He kept breaking his eye glasses too. It was costly. Your mom needs to be placed on medication in a personal care home that offers memory care.
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Reply to Onlychild2024
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Honestly said, it is not a good idea to be your family member's caregiver especially if they have dementia. They will usually behave better and treat caregivers better who are not family members. It just seems to work out that way.
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Reply to Hrmgrandcna
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