How do you deal with an alcoholic when doing the caregiving?

You need to talks to your employer about this.

Both my parents have/had a caregiver who took care of their personal needs - feeding, meal prep, bathing, doling out meds, changing sheets, helping them with physical therapy. I do the laundry, pay the day to day bills and grocery shopping. My dad has since passed but the caregiver would go with my brother when taking my dad to doctor appointments and he goes with me when taking my mom to doctor appointments.

We hired a housekeeper to clean the house. That is not the caregivers job. His job is light housekeeping - meaning he cleans up after them, cleans up their dishes, and empties the trash. He does not dust or vacuum or mop or deep clean the bathroom or kitchen.

You sound like a very compassionate nurturing person and those types of people are easily taken advantage of. Sounds like the client is bullying you into doing other things and you really need to put your foot down on what you are contracted to do and stick to that with no apologies. If you don't have it in you to do that then maybe you should ask to be reassigned.

As for the drinking, you are not being asked to set out her beers, her husband is doing that. If it's only two throughout the whole day, that doesn't sound too bad. I have/had a number of alcoholics in my family and they drink/drank non-stop, and well more than two beers a day. But if the alcohol is interfering with her medication that's a problem beyond your ability. If you feel the alcohol is problematic then your best option is to report it to your agency or her doctor and let them handle it. Does she have a home health doctor who visits her at home or does she go to doctor appointments outside? I'd want to make sure one of those doctors knows about the beers just to be sure it's not interfering with her medications. Good luck.

Scampie1: Tell her that you must abide by the agency's rules regarding tasks.

It sounds like she wants a cleaning service more than a categiver. If she needs you for caregiving, that's your job. She will have to hire a cleaning service for the rest of the house.

The discription of a CNA and HHW differ a little but I am sure it says "light housekeeping" for both. Its just as you say, you are responsible for her area.

I have told this story before where a clients wife was able to get an aide for him while she worked. She felt the aide should be doing the family laundry, dirty dishes left by the family and clean the whole apartment. My head Nurse said no, as long as there is another adult in the home, the aide is only responsible for the needs of client. The husband can do the "honey do list". If client needs the refrigerator cleaned and windows washed, then DH does it or hires a cleaning lady.

So in this instant, you are not responsible to do laundry, husband can do it. You could do hers but the husband does his. I would change the bed sheets and wash because she uses it. I would wipe down the kitchen and do dishes if I was involved in making the mess. I would clean the area she actually lives in but you are not responsible for the whole home. Your main job is to take care of her needs, like her ADLs.

@Burnt will tell you only do what's in your contract. No more. Is it in the contract that client can't walk? If not then she needs to get up.

I’m a Caregiver for my Mom but since Sept of 2023 I was dethroned by 2 older Sisters appointed by Well Fare and an Adult Protective Service lady. My ex Therapist had something to do with this. My Caseworker from the Police Department called Adult Protection Services and the lady knew the 2 Sisters that aren’t licensed and both with disabilities. 1 has no immune system and she is 64. She had since quit because of her declining health. Her 61 year old sister has Lyme disease since she was 40. Had a small tick in her ear and got it out using ear candles. She’s into holistic medicine. She’s not very positive and she sent me a bad long text about me and I saved it for reference about her sanity. It was wrong. Her older sister had a viral infection for a week and didn’t tell my Sister or I by text. I figured I got a stomach virus from her last Thanksgiving. I don’t go out except to get to medical appointments and grocery shopping. I also fit in my own shopping after she goes to sleep. Well she has had dementia for 4 years now and it’s worse than it was over a year ago. She had drunk a bottle of Port Wine in a few days. She drinks Martinis every day. I buy her the booze and wine because asks me to. She’s not patient either. It’s her money anyway. I have lived with her for over 17 years and I have been at wits end it seems. I have gotten on her case about drinking but she gets offended and let’s me have it. “Are you refusing to buy me vodka or wine?” Am I calling her an alcoholic? Yes I have but in a half serious way. She’s very insecure and has what I say are dementia related episodes. The delusional thinking she has it downright crazy. I don’t agree with her about her delusions because it isn’t logical. I think of how people I knew in the past that would screw with my mind for fun. This is a c different animal. It’s my Mom that has the worst mental disease I have ever experienced. My Dad is Cuban and he was a Sociopath, Bipolar, and ADHD. I got ADHD from him. He was mentally abusive. That dementia is mentally bad. Not even diagnosed because I didn’t have support from a Nurse at a Clinic in town or a Dr at the hospital. Just a question as to why I haven’t gotten her diagnosed. My Half Sister who’s older than me didn’t support it. So I do drink a few drinks a week but no vodka for me. It’s Tequila, Rum or some whiskey. I like White Russians like the Dude in the Big Lebowski but not that much. My Mom’s latest delusion is 2 girls that came through the sliding glass doors, and came in to take chocolate she has. No way. Were on the top floor of the apartment building in the back is the big drop to the ground. Over 30” Ft.? Now we have the sliding glass doors secured 3 different ways when she goes to sleep. I have a Blink Video Doorbell that has motion detection on the front door. So I just self medicate because she’s tough and hard headed. It’s when someone like her with a 185 IQ from what she told me gets dementia. I’m surviving but it’s tough.

Thanks guys for all of your feedback.

I had put in a call for the nurse manager who is handling the case to call me back. Secondly, I need to stop putting myself in these cases and treat this like it is, a job. I don't need to take what this sick person says about me personally. I need to stop letting these people live rent free in my head. Maybe, I can suggest splitting the case with another aide during the week. I can do three days and the other aide can do two days so all the work won't fall on one person.

I need to learn how to turn off these cases in my head when I clock out and go home. My home time shouldn't be bothered with some deranged person does or don't do. Whether it is a dementia brain or a drunk brain or both for that matter. I need to detach.

I did an Al-Anon phone meeting tonight. I didn't get much out of it and hung up. As the old saying goes; "It be's that way sometime." Old slang~

Thirdly, I need to get a life and do things that I enjoy. Sure, times are tough but they are going to get better. It seems like I've been on this board forever whining about some old person.

On a more pleasant note, I registered a couple of my cats as Emotional Support Animals.

Maybe I'll find a boyfriend for 2024. He will have to like cats. 😆

Maybe if you put your foot down about all the task, but do as much as you can. Explain to them nicely that's a bit much. The might respect that, and in the end really trust and like you.

As far as the beer, doesn't sound like a lot of alcohol, but maybe she is an alcoholic, and maybe she needs it, to prevent DTs. I wouldnt worry about a couple beers.

Id say give it a try, but don't let them turn you into there pee-on

Peddling a bike is not at ALL like standing. Standing requires entirely different muscles in the feet and MUCH more strength. Peddling a stationary bike takes almost nothing but thigh strength, and very very little of that. Good for the knees, keep hinges oiled, but not a lot else. So yes, she can very well use a bike with ease and not stand.

She likely has a good bit of encephalopathy, and unless you read her chart, who knows what else.
In any case, you are paid I would assume to do the things you are doing (if not you should not be doing them and should let them know what you are paid to do). It isn't honestly your business about the alcohol if this is the wish of the husband and wife involved.

I do remember a time when we new mothers were encourage to have beer to produce milk. I sure think THAT went to the wayside soon enough (we are talking 60s, after all).

I would just continue to do your job, keep records you are supposed to keep.
If you work for an agency, Scampie, definitely DO discuss with those who supervise you.

I think that you will find caregiving to be much like all else in life. You may attend faith based community? Do you like all of them? It is not unusual to "like" one client more than another, but it is also best kept to one's self overall.

You deal with her the same way you'd deal with any other client expecting you to be the chief cook and bottle washer: by reminding her your agency rules. You don't do refrigerators, mop floors, organize closets, repair roofs, clean ovens, scrub scum out of bathtubs, or repaint and wallpaper bedrooms. You ARE there to assist her with A B C D and E only. So, dear client, make up a new list and cross off all the no-no's you're asking of me. After all, you don't want to get me FIRED do you?

The chutzpah of some people amazes (and disgusts) me.

Maybe tell her you are a caregiver and not a housekeeper and she needs to hire a housekeeper if she wants her house cleaned?

Needhelpwithmom,

This is correct. This woman is pushing the envelope with me. I went in the bathroom, and stood there. I poured some PineSol in the sink and swished it around, cleaned mirrors and the floor. That's it. It is more than what some other aides would have done.

These people are on the taxpayers dime trying to squeeze every little cent they can out of people and are not even paying for the services.
I'm going to address the drinking part with the manager when she calls. I think she had me cook the dinner for the husband.

I called the agency and asked to speak with the clinical manager. She will probably call me back tomorrow.

Scampie,

Geeeeeez, she sounds like a nutcase!

The agency that I used specifically said that the only areas that were to be cleaned were Mom’s room. They specified that it was light housekeeping, floor vacuumed, sheets changed and trash emptied.

I would have never expected anything else. Actually, Mom was a neat person so the only thing that the agency worker did was to put on clean sheets which I had placed out for her. I had already washed Mom’s sheets when I did laundry.

Can you ask the agency to explain these stipulations to your client again?