1. Mom's care team. Who's in - who's out. Is it just you & BF? Draw up a list of all you do. Start delegating tasks. Sibs prob won't lift a finger so hire hire hire (Mom's funds).
Thoughts?
What are the barriers to this?
Often a caregiver does such a fine job, the elder makes a big fuss if anyone non-family?
Or the caregiver themselves is reluctant to involve non-family.
Caregiving can become a lonely world without others but it takes an adjustment to let others in. I may be wrong in your case.. just what I've seen before.
2. Reassess YOUR life. Are you heading towards what you want for your life? Your big picture?
How you deal with absentee yet opinionated siblings is be direct & stand up to them. Telling them thanks for the advice but what I need is practical help.
Not everyone is or needs to be a lion to roar to do this. But finding your own way to speak up & get your own needs met is worth it.
Turn the tables on them. If they think they can do a better job than you, then do it. I realize Mom has Dementia maybe the reason she sides with them but for me that would be it. Same thing, you think your other children can do a better job than me then call them when you need something. Maybe they don't see Moms needs have changed. And you doing for her, they never will. You may just need to step back and let something happen to show them Mom now needs care.
Has she been formally diagnosed. If not she needs to be. And a letter from the doctor saying that she needs care 24/7. Then you give a copy to your siblings saying that Mom could be placed, or hire help or you continuing to care for her. But if you continue caring for her, they will need to stop criticizing what I do.
Your Mom is young. She will only get worse. There will come a time she will need to be placed because u can't do it anymore.
I wonder, were you always the sibling who was picked on. Were you always the one that did for Mom? Andvyourvefforts were never appreciated?
from your sweet answer, and so many sweet answers from so many people all over this website, on various topics…i see there are so many kind people…and so many cruel/difficult/toxic family members.
poor us.
it’s not easy.
please everyone, live your lives.
help if you want. BUT help yourself.
YOUR FUTURE SELF WILL THANK YOU.
“Thank you, dear me, for saving me. You almost sacrificed me.”
Your profile loudly says nothing about your situation is good. You’re burned out and exhausted. That makes you both no good to yourself or to others. It’s time to address that change in your mother’s care is necessary. Who has POA for her medical and financial decisions? If this is you change the plan, either moving mom to an adequate level of care or hiring help in home. If it’s a sibling, tell them it’s time for change. You can’t sustain this, your health is at stake
1. Mom's care team. Who's in - who's out. Is it just you & BF? Draw up a list of all you do. Start delegating tasks. Sibs prob won't lift a finger so hire hire hire (Mom's funds).
Thoughts?
What are the barriers to this?
Often a caregiver does such a fine job, the elder makes a big fuss if anyone non-family?
Or the caregiver themselves is reluctant to involve non-family.
Caregiving can become a lonely world without others but it takes an adjustment to let others in. I may be wrong in your case.. just what I've seen before.
2. Reassess YOUR life. Are you heading towards what you want for your life? Your big picture?
How you deal with absentee yet opinionated siblings is be direct & stand up to them. Telling them thanks for the advice but what I need is practical help.
Not everyone is or needs to be a lion to roar to do this. But finding your own way to speak up & get your own needs met is worth it.
Has she been formally diagnosed. If not she needs to be. And a letter from the doctor saying that she needs care 24/7. Then you give a copy to your siblings saying that Mom could be placed, or hire help or you continuing to care for her. But if you continue caring for her, they will need to stop criticizing what I do.
Your Mom is young. She will only get worse. There will come a time she will need to be placed because u can't do it anymore.
I wonder, were you always the sibling who was picked on. Were you always the one that did for Mom? Andvyourvefforts were never appreciated?
hug!!
hope you’re ok!! :)
from your sweet answer, and so many sweet answers from so many people all over this website, on various topics…i see there are so many kind people…and so many cruel/difficult/toxic family members.
poor us.
it’s not easy.
please everyone, live your lives.
help if you want.
BUT help yourself.
YOUR FUTURE SELF WILL THANK YOU.
“Thank you, dear me, for saving me. You almost sacrificed me.”
if not possible, low contact.
if they’re often making you upset, it might be on purpose. some people enjoy upsetting others.
if possible, avoid.
courage!