How do you deal with a stubborn mother?

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I believe mymom has the start of dementia. In January, my brothers came over to discuss her issues and included her in the meeting. My brother asked was going on. For example, I told them I saw her putting a dish in the microwave trimmed in gold. I explained to her she could not do that. The very next day, I saw her pulling the dish out. When my brother asked to hear her side of the story she said she knew but it was too late to get a nother dish. Which makes no sense---just stopped the micowave. I had to quit my job to raise 2 grandchildren so I am home except to go to the store. It is at this time she will take a shower. I had gone to a baseball game in Chicago and taken the children with me. While at the game I get a call from my aunt that my my had fallen and know is not answering the phone. When I brought this up with my brothers they said she could call at anytime. I explained she won't. She won't take a phone with her when she showers , she won't get life alert. My brothers said they would get it for her. She said no and then later agreed. They asked if she would use it and she said she would hang it on the door. She has burned food while standing in front of it, left the gas on, etc. I told them that I can't take much more of this that I have had her for 16 years. My mom also like to control people. I am a widow of 13 years and any time I tried to have a relationship she chased them away. My brothers reponse was that mom has helped me and my daughters and it is my job. He left and has not talked to me since. This is her favorite son who doesn't even call (as long as she has been living with me). He only comes here when there is a family function. My brother said they were all mistakes. She also discuss all my business with my aunt. When I correct her on something she won't talk to me or come down to the kitchen. She lived on Ensure and sent the little one to get it for her. Then she makes the comment to them that "this is what I have to have for supper". Why does she do this? I can go on and on but I hope you get the drift. Between raising the girls and mom I am physically and mentally drained.

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I would try to find out what is going on with Mom. She is showing signs of possible demensia with her issues with executive functioning skills. An undiagnosed UTI can also cause havoc with an elderly person. Life can be tough living with parents, elderly or not. We all have to learn ways to ignore certain behaviors and ways to deal with others. I find the older they get, the more attention they want ;-). We will be there some day too and I hope my children are patient with me. We care for my mom, who is in stage 7 Alzheimer's and my MIL who is physically and mentally healthy but very demanding so I can relate! Hang in there! As with each stage of our life, this too shall pass.
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Time for your (one of your) brothers to take her in. You've done your stint.
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I would start looking into a facility, i.e. assisted or independent living for her.

I would get her to a geriatric Psychiatrist so that her anxiety and depression can be treated.

I would call the Area Agency on Aging and get a needs assessment so you know what level of care she needs.

I would also fond out about eviction procedures.

She is a drain on your mental and physical health. I can see no reason that you should continue to accept this subtle but damaging passive aggressive abuse.

If she is already telling everyone how badly you treat her, I see no harm in showing her the door.
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I remarried in 1995. Right after that my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. He passed away in August of 1996. My mom never wanted to learn to drive. She has always been afraid to do things on her own like take a bus, drive, fly etc. So I would pick her up after I sent my girls to school and then take her to work and pick her up. We sold our home of only 4 years and moved down the street to have her move in. Worst thing I could of done. She just kept saying if I move anywhere it would be with me. Then she tells everyone I made her move. She split the money between y brothers and I but when she would get made at me she would ask for it back. Maybe my brothers would of helped her more if she still lived on her own. Shortly after we moved in to the new home my husband was told he had stage 4 colon cancer. He passed in April of 2004. I was then given custody of 2 grandchildren which will be adopted by the end of the year. She is definitely a Debbie Downer. She make comments about living here. I tell her nobody is keeping you here but she will tell people that I am kicking her out. What I need is cameras and recorders for proof.
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How sad for you.

Do you live in mom's house or she in yours?
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