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I have been caring for my grandmother for almost 4 years now. She recently moved in with me the beginning of July because she could no longer live on her own.... My mother was not in no shape to care for her like she ought too. She doesn’t work, so she has all the free time in the world. I work full time. Her life is in shambles and she is struggling. She dropped all the responsibilities on me, but wants to continue having POA. She is dragging her feet to find the care she needs. I am the contingent. I’m 26 and married and put my life on hold for family quarrels. I am at my witts end to knowing what to do. I have to hold her hand to make sure my grandmother is taken care of properly.


I feel like I made a mistake because I handed the reins over to my mother to take care of my grandmother full time. She doesn’t care for her in the manner I think is suitable for my grandmother. She is stuck in her own little world. I felt like if she can make that huge decision to be my grandmothers POA then she should take full responsibility and quit guilting me into it. I love my grandma so very much I will always and would do anything for her.


As of right now she is staying with my mother and stays with me part time. She all the time tells me she don’t want to be with mom and wants to stay here with me.


How can I help in this situation? What should I do?

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Reply to GardenArtist
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There are a few wrinkles to iron out so that we can understand the situation you're dealing with, if that's okay.

Your grandmother is 69, which means that she was under 65 when you began as her caregiver. That's quite young for anyone to need care. Is her dementia diagnosis a formal one? Do you have any support from medical professionals? What are her main care needs?

How old is your mother? You say that her life is a shambles - what is she struggling with?

The decision to give your mother power of attorney was your grandmother's decision, although I agree that it was your mother's decision to accept the responsibility. When was this done, and why?

So. Your grandmother came to live with you in July, but has now gone to live with your mother. Where was your grandmother living before July? Are the family quarrels you mention related to your grandmother's care? Who else is involved?

By the way. You hold power of attorney FOR another person. Not "over" them. POA is given so that you can act FOR them, in their best interests, as far as possible in the way that they would have acted for themselves if they were able.
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Reply to Countrymouse
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Make a appointment with a Attorney. If your mother's life is in such a bad shambles the law can prove her unfit to care for your grandmother. And since she clear minded your grandma can change the POA at any time.

Also just a tidbit ...are you getting paid by your state to care for your grandmother?
If not look into it.
Many states offer this now.


Best Wishes
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Reply to OneWhiteFeather
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Don't accept Grandma back when your Mom tries to drop her off. Live your own life. She's 69, she could live another 30+ years. Make it abundantly clear to your own mother that she will not be moving in with you when she needs full time care either. It is not your job to caregive for elderly relatives, especially if you have children yourself.
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Reply to ZippyZee
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