How do you de-stress?

When it gets to the point when spouses have to tell you that you're taking things out on them, it's already too late. A respite would be nice, but probably won't solve this problem. I believe it's time to quit caregiving and focus on what is most important to you: your health and your marriage. Sounds like mom would be better off in AL. It's obvious you and hubby would be much, much better off. Sometimes we just need to admit that caregiving is beyond what we can manage and/or handle.

vikki - I walk too - along the trail by the woods. Nature heals. Music, puzzles and games, hot baths, definitely a good cuppa or two. My camera helps even if it is just snapping a pic of the latest flower in the garden and posting it on face book. I post a lot of pics on face book, not all my own, but I find ones I like and have a bit of a following. I am very visual so that is relaxing for me. You posted elsewhere about a mother how died not long after her full care child, Lancet Feb 2002 published a study re mortality of bereaved parents. Mothers and dads died more often than the general population in the first 3 years, then after 10 years the mortality of bereaved mothers rose. Ongoing stress does a real number on us. The mortality rate of care givers is concerning.

I take a bath. It helps - even if (like you) I fall asleep lol

Please note that my point is that you already have in-home caregivers handling most of the physical work involved. So it's the emotional burdens that are overwhelming you, and this shouldn't be so stressful or overwhelming with that help in place. If you didn't have in home caregivers, I'd say take a vacation and then roll your sleeves back up. But that's not the case, here, is it? Just what is causing so much stress? Is it caregiving, or something else that causes this stress?

Wow, so young at 78, too. Then you absolutely must take the respite route -- plan for someone else to take over for a few days, and you and hubby go on a nice extended weekend to someplace you both really like. Treat yourself. You deserve and need a "Spa Day", for sure. This will at least help you re-charge, regain your emotional bearings, and you'll be a lot easier for hubby and others to live with! And you'll feel better about yourself, since you'll be in a better position to tolerate the intolerable.

Thanks everyone. I know I have to try and get rid of the FOG and take better care of myself. Easier said than done!

Does your office of Ageing( if you have one) offer any respite care?

Walking, good coffee, half a glass of wine or a mini cocktail, crosswords and puzzles! You can do a lot with those two hours a day. I'm not sure if FB and AgingCare totally decrease my stress, but I sure do spend a little time on here when I don't feel up to working on my patient notes yet.

I'm sorry that you are so stressed that you are taking it out on your husband. and others. That does tend to overload people's own emotional circuit board and cause them to back off emotionally and sometimes physically.

Since the caregivers are there until 8 pm each night would it be possible for your attend some sort of support group or even go in for an appointment for supportive therapy so that you can detox to someone else who may be able to help you de-stress in other ways.

Yes, you are deep in the FOG in your head. Please don't dam your health, sanity and marriage. One 1/3 of caregivers die before the person they are caring for dies. Sacrificing yourself will not make her any better and if you collapse under the weight, she'll end up in a nursing home anyhow.

I'm sorry that you live in a small town. That does limit the resources that area available to you.

Take are of yourself! Like Yoda told Luke in the movie star wars, "not try, do or don't do". You can do it!