Elderly mother (almost 90) allowed one of our siblings to move in over five years ago (have lost count of the time) when he was having personal issues. There was never a discussion of how long it would last or any ground rules re responsibilities, $$ contributions, a timeline to leave, etc. despite other siblings suggesting same to mother on numerous occasions. Sibling is gainfully employed, but seems to have no plans for the future despite being close to retirement age. We believe a lot of his money goes to his ex (no kids/small coop), but over the past 5+ years he could have certainly reduced non-ex expenses to be in a position at this point to get an apartment. He is essentially a long-term guest in our mother's house, providing some limited company -- on his schedule -- and occasional assistance with chores and odd jobs. Sibling makes no financial contribution, doesn't pay for groceries, utilities, repairs, has no sweat equity, etc. Our mom doesn't expect or ask much from him...she is independent in many ways incl financially, but the arrangement is very one-sided to his benefit and he never seems to acknowledge or appreciate it. He is not the favorite or the golden child, she offered to help a long time ago and never expected or wanted it to last this long, but doesn't have the energy to raise the issue with him. His presence has been disruptive to our mother and all siblings and their families for various reasons, and his personality can be prickly so everyone tries to avoid conflict with him to keep the peace for our mother. She tells other children she does not want him there now and absolutely does not want him to be in the house once she is no longer there, however, she refuses to communicate any of this to him. Her will pre-dates his occupancy and isn't clear that the house is to be vacated and sold and she is resistant to a trust (which would also govern the situation before her passing if she needs to bring in help or sell the house). My sister and I have the executor and POA roles and have spoke to an EC attorney -- who recommended the trust -- and we have offered to have a conversation with our brother -- mother declined -- and have expressed our concerns that we will be put in a very uncomfortable position in the future if he is resistant to leaving. Our mom acknowledges she has been avoiding the conversations and that this could be a problem for her or us in the future, but she seems unable or unwilling to address in any manner...in part because he gets annoyed relative to any of these type of discussions plus she likely worries about his future when she is no longer providing lodging. We are trying to address this issue while she is still lucid and healthy so sibling understands these are her wishes and he has advanced warning so he can plan for his future, plus we also think its important to document legally because his past inertia could cause future problems even if he is apprised in advance. Other aforementioned sibling will be visiting mom soon and has put resident sibling on notice she will be there to assist with legal, financial and home repair issues (and we need his assistance with the latter), so she and I think it may present an opportunity for her and my mom to broach the topic given they will be getting her matters in order. Thoughts appreciated.
I wouldn't worry about it anymore. There is a will. If the will says all her assets are to be divided by all her kids, then leave it at that. What she does before dying is her business - supporting him, letting him live there. Don't go over there trying to push him out. She will deny wanting it and the rest of you are the bad guys. When she passes, follow the will - he can offer to buy the rest of you out of the house if he wants to stay. Otherwise, sell it and divide equally with all.
As long as mom is cognizant there is nothing you can do.
IF something happens to her and your POA becomes effective THEN you can file for an eviction.
But at this point if mom is not going to say anything to him then that is the way it is going to be.
I would make sure that he does not get her to sign any legal papers that say he is entitled to remain in the house or that the house is his. If she is cognizant and signs any papers you will have a very difficult time.
Your mother's behavior is classic elderly behavior. She will complain incessantly about your brother being there. She really wants your brother there because she doesn't want to be alone. Believe me, it isn't about her not having the energy to raise the issue with him. She wants him there.
She also wants something to complain about. She's probably bored and wants a bit of drama to alleviate some of it. She likes to talk about him while you and your other siblings listen. She wants him there though. Also, it's her house. Not yours or your siblings. It's really none of your business whether or not she charges your brother rent or if he contributes to the household financially. She's 90 years old. She will not be independent forever and will need care at some point. If your brother is there, it will let you and your siblings off the caregiver hook. Because he's living there you all can make him the designated caregiver. Think of him as a caregiver-in-waiting now.
When your mother starts complaining and whining about your brother, shut her down. Give her one response. Tell her that if she doesn't want him there to throw him out and that you refuse to listen to her about it anymore.
This looks like it will be a "sticky" situation for a while. Not sure what will happen if Mom has to go live in a facility and need funds or if she passes and son is on the property.
Wishing you and your family good luck.
My OB, when he was alive, was constantly moving in and out of mother & dad's home. He was a major hoarder and left behind so much garbage every time he moved out. Awful beyond words.
Dad was ill and mother adored this brother more than anything. So he simply took advantage. We other sibs talked ourselves blue in the face to get him to shape up and take responsibility for his many children and ex wives. He never did and died owing hundreds of thousands of dollars.
As much as your mom may not like this, SHE is the one who has to kick brother out. You are not the owners of the house and have no say. My mother NEVER stood up to OB, even when he talked the folks into 2nd mortgaging their home and then subsequently LOSING well over $200K.
Certainly a caustionary tale about 'preferring' one sib over the others. It only ever results in pain.
Her will need not specify what happens to her house if she's leaving it to someone in particular. I assume she's at least done that in her will. If not, she's just making a bigger, more expense mess to sort out after she dies.
The most likely situation is that all of you siblings would inherit the house, and after that happens, Mom's wishes are irrelevant as she'd no longer own it. Any of you would be able to file a partition lawsuit ($$) to force the sale of the house and split the proceeds.
As far as your brother goes, he's a tenant and would have to be evicted if he refuses to leave willingly. He sounds a bit like my brother (and many men) who split from their wives then park themselves at Mama's house until they finally build up their self-esteem enough to want to move out. My brother came for what my folks expected to be a month and didn't leave for 3 1/2 years. He finally got a condo once his daughter was in high school so she could come over on her own after school.
Maybe try to figure out what's keeping your brother from wanting to be independent of your mom and encourage him in positive ways to move on from his current situation.