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My once vibrant, young at heart, elderly husband passed away recently and his birthday is coming. I miss him so much, even to get a repair guy to come fix his garden's sprinkler system he took so much pride and joy in to install, hurts so much. I even want the old parts back! How do you celebrate special occasions without your husband or wife every year?

My husband died unexpectedly when my daughter was 3 years old. She's 30 now, so it's been a while. I was so focused on her being ok, and taking care of her that I maybe didn't grieve the loss for myself at the time. Anyway. Lost my dad in 2009 and my parents had been married for 50 plus years. Before my mom got Alzheimer's two and a half years ago, we had many conversations about how she dealt with the loss of my dad. Then, she was still living alone, in the house they had lived in all those years. She always said she focused on the good memories and how special and wonderful he was, how lucky she was to have him. She said she just focused on the positive things. That's not much, but hope it helps a little. Family and support help too I think.
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Katz17 Nov 11, 2018
Thanks so much and God bless for your kind help!
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My family is very small there is just my mother, my BF, and me. After my dad passed away I decided to make my dad's duck an orange sause for Christmas this is what my dad made every Christmas, and it makes my mother and myself very happy. This is our way to honor my dad. On his birthday we release one of those flaming balloms, and I write happy birthday; we love & miss you.

I know this is not the same, just a few ideas!

I am sorry for your loss, I pray that you find your new normal!
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Katz17 Nov 11, 2018
Thanks. Nice gestures for your dad on your part!
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When my marriage ended 4.5 years ago, I did not see it coming and the aftermath was devastating. My family was ripped apart, my housing precarious, everything was in chaos for 2.5 years until we got an agreement in place.

I made a concious effort to create new memories on the former special event days. It was hard, but after 4.5 years I own those days. I know a death is not the same as a divorce, but both are a complete upheaval in life.

Our anniversary was hardest, two years I went away to a local quilting retreat, none of the quilters knew about my marriage, nor knew that it was my anniversary. The second two years I was in Europe on the day. 2017 in Florence, this year in Paris.

Christmas was hardest as the kids were torn between who to be with, but I decided to make it mine too. I changed the meal I planned to one I wanted, simplified everything and now I enjoy the season again.
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lynnm12 Nov 10, 2018
Oh wow. That's phenomenal that you figured out how to deal with that. Hope you're doing ok.
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I am afraid for most of Us Birthdays, Christmases and all those special occasions will come and go but We will not feel much like celebrating because We miss Our Love one so much. Planting a tree in the garden in their honor is a great way to remember them. On such days I always fetch out the Family Album and I do gaze at all of the photos especially photos of Mom each having its own special memory. I took many photos and I remember vividly taking this one photo and I stopped to say to Mother "ah come on Mom smile and look Your best for the camera ! Mother instantly gave me one of those delightful cheeky cheesy smiles and I capture it on camera. Needless to say that's my favourite photo. It is beautiful. A picture is better than a thousand words.
On such days I head to the coast even in the wind and the rain and I walk till I am tired. The Ocean always gives me a great lift. Bring a flask of coffee and a few sandwiches.
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Katz17 Nov 11, 2018
Thanks for sharing. Your mom will be smiling down on you!
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I usually just say a silent Happy Birthday or Merry Christmas, whatever the occasion might be. Do something for you that makes you happy on those days. That's what they would want for you. I'm sorry for your loss.
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Drink too much and go to bed early.
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Katz,
For you, to honor your hubs by keeping his garden up is a wonderful way to celebrate these occasions. Maybe getting a new plant and planting it yourself will help you remember the good times and your loved one in a good way.

Add a memorial bench in that garden, and sit yourself down for awhile.

Sorry for your loss.

My mother died on election day, so I remember her by voting no matter how I feel, by keeping on keeping on. Celebrating my privilege to vote, since somehow I survived to adulthood.
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Katz17 Nov 11, 2018
Thanks Sendhelp. Getting a new plant in the garden will be in the horizon. Sorry for the loss of your mom. She will be so proud of you!
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One day at a time.

I'm sorry for your loss and I pray that you can find some local support to help you live your new reality.

Hugs!
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Katz17 Nov 11, 2018
Thanks and Hugs to you!
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