How do you all deal with the loss of your freedom. I can't leave unless otherwise have a sitter for either one of them or bring both with?

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I would get a sitter. You need to have a life of your own.
Lorraine, by any chance can your Mom and your Aunt [per your profile] chip in to hire a caregiver for half a day, so that you can run errands or do whatever you feel like doing?

I know what you mean about lost of freedom. At times it can feel rewarding helping out, and other times there is resentment for feeling trapped.... [sigh]
If they are members of a church, you might start there to look for a volunteer companion/sitter.
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When I cared for my dad in my home I gradually stopped going anywhere (errands being the exception). Eventually my friends began inviting my dad along with me to parties or b-b-cues or whatever event was going on which I appreciated. I had to take my dad as I could not tell him I was going out and then not take him. He was so social and needed to be around people. It wasn't easy.

I stumbled across a B&B about 4 hours from home and I would run away on occasion for a short trip as long as I knew my daughter would be in and around home for the time I was gone. My dad didn't exactly need supervision but it wouldn't have been a good idea to leave him totally alone either. I'd come back with my batteries recharged.
I have 1 more issue ,when I do bring both of my Ladies out its so much work ,not to sound lazy but I'm afraid to leave mom, and can not leave Aunt (alzheimers)they both love to get out but it's soooo hard and I do not want to get irritated ,my aunt will like just all of a sudden stomp her feet down while I'm pushing her wheelchair golly I'm afraid we are BOTH GOING TO FALL OVER, so I can take them both out ,but I do not want to its nerve wracking.1 time I could not get my moms leg back in the car I had to lift it and kinda roll her in whew it's a project .So I try 1 at a time but I find myself still getting worn out expecially with Aunt she just gets so confused like she thought I left her clothes at the church ,at my dads funeral I had to bring her to a funeral that was family and she slept through the whole thing then when it was over started yelling that was the dumbest funeral she ever saw and how could that man call himself a Chaplin, out loud whew I was embaressed then she refused to get into my car she thought it was the wrong vehicle .
Dear Lorraine,

It is hard to care for two people with high needs. I know you are doing the best you can. I can see why you wouldn't want to take your aunt out given the challenges you have encountered.

I wonder if its time to talk to a social worker, family therapist and see what other care options are available. It is a lot to for one person to take on. It does sound like your aunt needs more care and supervision given the Alzheimers.

I tried to do it all for my dad after the stroke but I realize now in hindsight that it was a terrible mistake. I got so angry and resentful at the end.

Thinking of you.
Cdnreader; Thank you for your advice you are right about a social worker ..but so hard to get away unless I have a sitter for the ladies I feel as if this sight helps ,I feel so much better being able to speak out about these problems .And everybody gives very useful advice ,until I can get out more I'll stay with this site Thank all of you.....
I don’t know how you do it with two ladies to care for! God bless you!
Hi Lorraine,
You are one heck of a woman! I couldn't do it with just one elderly lady (mom).

I, too, had a terrible time getting my 94 year old mom in and out of the car, into the w/c, onto the toilet, into the doctor's office, etc. I have a bad back and it's an accident waiting to happen. My mom has Alzheimer's too.

If you need to take them both out, could you get someone to go with you? (Paid c/g, friend, neighbor, etc.) Or, have them stay with auntie while you and your mom go out. If it needs to be paid help, mom and aunt should split the bill. You shouldn't pay anything.

God bless you for being there for both of them.

Just a thought, have you made tentative plans for when auntie's Alzheimer's gets worse? I didn't plan ahead and I wish I would have. Mom went downhill fast and I was totally unprepared.

Happy Holidays
They need a break from you as well. Depending on their medical conditions and insurance you have a few options. There are services like In Home Support Services were someone comes into the house to help with light housekeeping, personal care and companionship. This is also available through agencies like Visiting Nurses Assoc. at a cost. There are adult day programs that provide a meal and socialization allow you to have some respite. One of the programs that I love is a federally funded program called Senior Companions. There are not that many around because funding for these programs is slim but Senior Companions are seniors 55 and older who have been background checked and are given on-going training. They receive a very small stipend. If you find a program, a Companion is assigned to a client at no cost to them and then they provide up to four hours a week in companionship. They do not do housekeeping or personal care. Clients do not have to income qualify; it is open to everyone. This is one of the programs that has been proposed to be cut. It is a shame because it is a win win program given the number of isolated homebound seniors we have and the number of caregivers needing respite.

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