How do you accept and not go crazy?

My Gram lived to be 98. She never had any cognitive impairment. She lived many years alone in an upper story apartment, across from a building with a bar at the street level. She didn't like television much, but she loved sitting at her window and figuring out or making up stories about the people she saw. I'd visit and she'd be sitting by the window. I'd sit near her. "See that woman with the scarf? She has a husband or a regular boyfriend and she comes almost every day to the bar with him, about 4 pm. But she often comes out with another man! Sometimes the boyfriend comes out after them and then the fur flies! Last week someone called the cops on all the commotion." Gram was the original meaning of LOL -- she was the little ol' lady who watched the comings and goings in the neighborhood. Some people read books. Some people watch television. Why is watching out the window -- either people or nature -- less acceptable?

And I love Dorianne's explanation of "recharging" needs of the introverted.

To keep from going crazy, perhaps it help you to figure out why this is so upsetting to you.

Among those of us who are introverted, this is not unusual. Introverted doesn't mean shy. It means that being around other people takes energy out of us, where extraverts GAIN energy from being around other people.  Introverts are around 25% of the population, and we need to recharge our batteries after being around other people. 

I'm neither elderly nor senile, but I've done a lot of window-staring in my life. I like to watch the birds, the wildlife, the clouds, the river, the trees, the garden, the sky, the sun, the rain, the snow. I like to daydream. I like to listen to the music in my head. I like to remember good times and people who are gone, or imagine how I would have done the bad times differently if I knew then what I know now. Sometimes I like to think about nothing at all.  I don't want to be busy in those times; I want everyone to leave me alone.  I wouldn't say I do it for HOURS, generally, but I HAVE done it for hours. Especially when there's water involved, like the river, or if I'm at the lake or the ocean.  Being only 48, I don't find my energy resources so easily taxed yet that I might NEED hours to recuperate.

It's as much the action of a dreamer as it might be the action of someone with dementia.

I don't know why you would yell at your mom to get away from the window, even if it IS dementia making her do it? Who is she hurting, exactly?

You know what I yell at my mom for? Setting paper towel on fire on the stove in order to light her cigarette.  :-O

((((denise))))) your mother has alzheimer's . She is capable of putting on a show at the senior's centre, then she is worn out. I am 80 and I don't have Alz, but I do have CFS/FM. If I lived with my dd she might get a bit frustrated with the amount of sitting I do, though I don't stare out a window, I am active on the computer. She would have to get over it, as I can't do any more. Believe me if I could, I would.

I think you are coming from the place of not yet having fully accepted that your mum is seriously ill. Truly, I sympathise. She probably looks much like her old self and sometimes acts like it. It has taken me awhile to teach my kids that, between aging and CFS/FM, even if I look like it, I am not my old self. Your mum has a disease that means she can't do that. So then you have to educate yourself, Coming on here is a good start. Read up about the stages of Alz and also the grieving that family have to go through when they find their loved one has a serious, incurable, and terminal disease.

Caregiving a loved one with Alz is a very difficult journey. Be sure to look after yourself, do some things for you. Your frustration is hurting both you and your mum. She can't help her limitations.

Sounds exactly like my mother. She's the belle of the ball at the Sr Center. At home, she also sits at her kitchen table and spies on the neighbors. I'm hugely embarrassed, they are understanding and "get it". She'll always ask me to run over to one or the other neighbor's under some pretense and "find out what's going on". (They're getting new furniture, mom, hence the furniture delivery van!)

I just leave her alone. She's struggling with the onset of dementia, nobody but my brother and I notice it, and it's just plain sad. Spent 3 hrs with her today, and came home with a terrible headache. It's easier for her to live in a kind of fantasy world than deal with the stuff that's right in front of her.

Before my mom had to go to a memory care unit, all she did was watch TV all day. I bought her all kinds of "find a word" puzzle and she would do those for awhile. Once she got to the unit, she was among other people her age and they convinced her to go to activities. She doesn't do it all of the time, but at least she's more active. I understand your frustration but the last thing you want to do is yell at her. Just let her do her own thing if she wants to.

I"d read a lot about the behavior that is common with dementia. I'm not sure why your mom looking out the window is so infuriating. If that upset you, I might try to get some help for her care. I'd see to it that I am able to avoid yelling at her, as this is not helpful and may frighten her.

Maybe,she wants some down time? I applaud your efforts. Sometimes you just have to walk away for awhile..